Surprising Moments
Mar. 30th, 2008 02:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
itsallovernowSo, this past few days I had these... startling moments of... clarity, surprise realization.
That:
- I was going to take this Farscape story I've had brewing for ages, and make it an original fic because it worked in an entirely different, but still really incredibly way as an original story. Not so much fic made into OCs, but a story and plot line that arrived fully formed, that could legitimately be it's own story with it's own cast of characters who drive the plot in entirely different ways than the characters would have had they been part of fic. This was... kind of beyond lovely because it's one of the last FS fics I've had lingering, unwilling to abandon it, and it's already got a soundtrack.
- I'm a fucking grownup, with a grownup corporate job, in a corporate world. I spent all day Friday fucking with personnel issues. I'm... I feel like I'm outside myself, looking on, looking in, not sure what to think, but suddenly so much the professional employee, pink hair and all.
- While I miss the person I was dating (and have come to some places and acceptances with that), I miss... the comfort of going to bed with him on Saturday night, waking up on Sunday. I miss having someone to do that with. This is the first time in two months that the specific longing was for that domestic ease and comfort and I don't know what the hell to think or do about that. There isn't anything to do, but it still... took me aback, made me sad in a different sort of way.
- That I can be utterly judgemental, hardnosed about what I think and feel. That I'm often okay with that, until I'm not.
- That I still love competence best in my fannish verses. That I still miss my show. That I'm glad to not be part of fandom in the way I was, but that I wouldn't have traded that time or any of you for anything.
- That writing is going to make me lonely. But it's always going to be worth more than those moments of feeling utterly lost in your own head. It'll always be more.
That:
- I was going to take this Farscape story I've had brewing for ages, and make it an original fic because it worked in an entirely different, but still really incredibly way as an original story. Not so much fic made into OCs, but a story and plot line that arrived fully formed, that could legitimately be it's own story with it's own cast of characters who drive the plot in entirely different ways than the characters would have had they been part of fic. This was... kind of beyond lovely because it's one of the last FS fics I've had lingering, unwilling to abandon it, and it's already got a soundtrack.
- I'm a fucking grownup, with a grownup corporate job, in a corporate world. I spent all day Friday fucking with personnel issues. I'm... I feel like I'm outside myself, looking on, looking in, not sure what to think, but suddenly so much the professional employee, pink hair and all.
- While I miss the person I was dating (and have come to some places and acceptances with that), I miss... the comfort of going to bed with him on Saturday night, waking up on Sunday. I miss having someone to do that with. This is the first time in two months that the specific longing was for that domestic ease and comfort and I don't know what the hell to think or do about that. There isn't anything to do, but it still... took me aback, made me sad in a different sort of way.
- That I can be utterly judgemental, hardnosed about what I think and feel. That I'm often okay with that, until I'm not.
- That I still love competence best in my fannish verses. That I still miss my show. That I'm glad to not be part of fandom in the way I was, but that I wouldn't have traded that time or any of you for anything.
- That writing is going to make me lonely. But it's always going to be worth more than those moments of feeling utterly lost in your own head. It'll always be more.
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no subject
Date: 2008-03-30 08:59 pm (UTC)Even as nascent and sketchy as it was, I liked it enough to make a soundtrack, and I'm very glad to see what it evolves into.
In related news, I've written about 1k words and re-wrote another 5k and shuffled them into rough chapter divisions. Somewhere in the past few months of whinging, I stumbled upon the vague intimations of a plot--suddenly I'm able to look at the original 26k words of flailing and know not only what does and doesn't belong, but where it goes and the changes dictated by the rest of the whole.
It's been so long since I've written something that just innately was itself (as this is starting to be) I'd forgotten what that ability to taste and combine felt like.
Actually, it's been even longer since I've written anything completely original that's done that. Though I'm suspicious that this 26k Flailing File has more than 1 book buried in it, now that I can pick out the pattern of what's SubMyth and what isn't.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-31 05:16 pm (UTC)And you have no idea how excited I am to see you hard at work on your stuff, no idea what so ever. I'm utterly breathless about it.