Surprising Moments

[itsallovernow]

So, this past few days I had these... startling moments of... clarity, surprise realization.

That:

- I was going to take this Farscape story I've had brewing for ages, and make it an original fic because it worked in an entirely different, but still really incredibly way as an original story. Not so much fic made into OCs, but a story and plot line that arrived fully formed, that could legitimately be it's own story with it's own cast of characters who drive the plot in entirely different ways than the characters would have had they been part of fic. This was... kind of beyond lovely because it's one of the last FS fics I've had lingering, unwilling to abandon it, and it's already got a soundtrack.

- I'm a fucking grownup, with a grownup corporate job, in a corporate world. I spent all day Friday fucking with personnel issues. I'm... I feel like I'm outside myself, looking on, looking in, not sure what to think, but suddenly so much the professional employee, pink hair and all.

- While I miss the person I was dating (and have come to some places and acceptances with that), I miss... the comfort of going to bed with him on Saturday night, waking up on Sunday. I miss having someone to do that with. This is the first time in two months that the specific longing was for that domestic ease and comfort and I don't know what the hell to think or do about that. There isn't anything to do, but it still... took me aback, made me sad in a different sort of way.

- That I can be utterly judgemental, hardnosed about what I think and feel. That I'm often okay with that, until I'm not.

- That I still love competence best in my fannish verses. That I still miss my show. That I'm glad to not be part of fandom in the way I was, but that I wouldn't have traded that time or any of you for anything.

- That writing is going to make me lonely. But it's always going to be worth more than those moments of feeling utterly lost in your own head. It'll always be more.

Comments

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm thinking of you and wish I had some way to articulate a hug into useful words.

[loligo.livejournal.com]

because it worked in an entirely different, but still really incredibly way as an original story.

I love it when that happens! Virtually all my original fiction has started that way. I fall in love with a fanfic idea, realize that the elements that I love aren't necessarily tied to that universe, and then realize that if I set it somewhere else, it can mean something entirely new! It's sometimes a bumpy ride, though.

[fourteenlines.livejournal.com]

Oh, absolutely. This one story that I'm working on - I guess I should say novel I'm working on, because it's certainly going to be that length if I see it to completion - was born in my brain as a Farscape fanfic that I actually did write...um, eight years ago? But at this point it bears absolutely no resemblance to the fanfiction that inspired it.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

It's a little nerve-wracking, in that it means creating a new 'verse for the characters, but it's exciting too because some of what I was going to have an easy short hand for, I know have to draw and I kind of love that.

[fourteenlines.livejournal.com]

I'm a fucking grownup

I've had this feeling recently, too. It doesn't necessarily come of my job (and it certainly doesn't come of the things I thought it would, like being on top of my bills and having my life together, because HAHAHAHA) but just this...internal change. It's weird, but I think I like it.

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

I'm thrilled that you're going to write this one as itself--which in retrospect may have been some of the nagging struggle you've had with it all along, that it wanted to be it's own story, it had a different life.

Even as nascent and sketchy as it was, I liked it enough to make a soundtrack, and I'm very glad to see what it evolves into.

In related news, I've written about 1k words and re-wrote another 5k and shuffled them into rough chapter divisions. Somewhere in the past few months of whinging, I stumbled upon the vague intimations of a plot--suddenly I'm able to look at the original 26k words of flailing and know not only what does and doesn't belong, but where it goes and the changes dictated by the rest of the whole.

It's been so long since I've written something that just innately was itself (as this is starting to be) I'd forgotten what that ability to taste and combine felt like.

Actually, it's been even longer since I've written anything completely original that's done that. Though I'm suspicious that this 26k Flailing File has more than 1 book buried in it, now that I can pick out the pattern of what's SubMyth and what isn't.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Thanks honey. It's... some of the parts that I loved will have to go, which makes me sad, but I think it's an adequate trade off to get a real story.

And you have no idea how excited I am to see you hard at work on your stuff, no idea what so ever. I'm utterly breathless about it.

[ainsley.livejournal.com]

I'm a fucking grownup, with a grownup corporate job, in a corporate world.... suddenly so much the professional employee, pink hair and all.

I admire you so much for being able to pull that off. You rock.

Clarity is possibly the most gorgeous feeling to ever exist.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Mmm... I don't know, clarity is refreshing, but I'm not always sold on it being fun:)

[ainsley.livejournal.com]

Oh, it is often miserable, but after the fog, I appreciate a good crisp view.