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itsallovernowThis week, actually the last two weeks, has really represented a break from my normal life. First, I got to go on vacation, and then, coming home sick, I actually was able to make a concentrated effort to take care of myself. This meant that I'd come directly home from my primary means of employment, take some Theraflu, and lay down on the couch.
I finished several books, read the Sunday paper cover to cover, listened to lots of great music, watched a boatload of TV, and aside from M. and G. on Monday night, didn't see anyone. I talked to S. twice this week, a rare treat, and got to sympathize with them trying to scrape the glue off the floor of their new house before the floor people come to do their magic. I didn't dance, didn't go to Krav Maga, didn't teach or make myself crazy. Of course, I also had bourbon and left over garlic bread for dinner last night, but normally I do take better care of myself
It's made me feel disassociated from my life, but strangely more appreciative. I've been trying to figure out some crucial next steps in all the important areas - work, relationships, living situations, etc. and while I don't think I came to any conclusions, I was at least able to let the ideas float around in my head instead of getting jammed in there with my overflowing time commitments. What it has made me realize more than anything, though, is how much I want to write full time. Granted, that's my job, but I mean write for myself. Before I started writing fanfic, I had convinced myself that I couldn't write fiction anymore because what I wrote in college never got taken seriously.
I don't mean my writing in general, I got a lot of praise for my academic writing, but I was never serious enough in my fiction I guess, not literary enough for my peers or my professors, and of course I was scared to veer away from writing anything that wasn't the great American novel, and that's just not me. My best work in college was my thesis, which now I'd love to edit down to an acceptable length, but part of it was fiction, and that's the last fiction I wrote that I was proud of before now.
This experience has renewed my confidence, at least enough so that I'm willing to give myself another chance, even if none of the original fic ever sees the light of day. Of course, I've also read fanfic that was so much better written, so much more original and captivating than much of what I've read that's been published.
I'm trying to figure out which plot bunny to chase down right now, I'm trying to string the little buggers out in my head and see which one kicks the hardest, but they all mill together. Rotten rabbits.
Because I'm a sucker, and I have the house to myself for a week, and because I spent an obscene amount of time on the phone giggling with S. who I miss so desperately at times it just seems unfair, I let myself watch Relativity and Meltdown again. I do try and alternate, and occasionally do watch things on TV other than Farscape, for instance I actually flipped back and forth between Buffy and Gilmore Girls on Tuesday night, enjoying myself very much on the one Tuesday during the year that I've been home at night, and I will also always watch X-Files when it's on, but you want comfort when you're sick and I'd been without these episodes since last year.
This has inspired me to beg my far more talented LJ friends for more icons. Believe me, it's not that I'm lazy (I am, but not in this case), it's just that I have no idea how to do these icon things, and my RL friend who makes me pretty things would probably think I was crazy if I asked her to make me a Farscape icon. So, anyone who is enjoying themselves with the icon making and has any free time (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kernezelda and veritykindle- yes I'm looking at you, not for the free time but for the skill with the pretties), I'd be eternally grateful for a John/Aeryn icon, any season, just together.
I'd be happy to exchange my services for such a product!! Belly dancing, plot bunny beating, fic, silly songs, long rambles, - that about sums up my skills, but my enthusiasm far surpasses my skill. I can teach you how to get out of a strangle hold from any position, how to properly gouge an eyeball, and the best technique for an effective roundhouse kick. Oh, I can also teach you how to say really rude things in Greek and Latin!
I also started to think about why I liked TJohn so much. It's not that I had a preference. I ached for the John on Moya. Alone, obsessed, worried, useless and ineffectual, getting drunk and rolled and screaming a girly scream in a fishbowl after a night of feathers and multiple breasts. But the moment for me where I just adore TJohn is at the end of Relativity. He walks into command, touches Aeryn on the shoulder, and then just soaks up her pain as best he can. The macho protection is over and he's just all compassion and love for her, touching her face when she says that all of her ties are severed, understanding what that means maybe more than she does.
Can you tell, that while better, I'm still one with the cold meds. I'm off to write about inner city students learning to decoupage. Sometimes, I really love my job.
I finished several books, read the Sunday paper cover to cover, listened to lots of great music, watched a boatload of TV, and aside from M. and G. on Monday night, didn't see anyone. I talked to S. twice this week, a rare treat, and got to sympathize with them trying to scrape the glue off the floor of their new house before the floor people come to do their magic. I didn't dance, didn't go to Krav Maga, didn't teach or make myself crazy. Of course, I also had bourbon and left over garlic bread for dinner last night, but normally I do take better care of myself
It's made me feel disassociated from my life, but strangely more appreciative. I've been trying to figure out some crucial next steps in all the important areas - work, relationships, living situations, etc. and while I don't think I came to any conclusions, I was at least able to let the ideas float around in my head instead of getting jammed in there with my overflowing time commitments. What it has made me realize more than anything, though, is how much I want to write full time. Granted, that's my job, but I mean write for myself. Before I started writing fanfic, I had convinced myself that I couldn't write fiction anymore because what I wrote in college never got taken seriously.
I don't mean my writing in general, I got a lot of praise for my academic writing, but I was never serious enough in my fiction I guess, not literary enough for my peers or my professors, and of course I was scared to veer away from writing anything that wasn't the great American novel, and that's just not me. My best work in college was my thesis, which now I'd love to edit down to an acceptable length, but part of it was fiction, and that's the last fiction I wrote that I was proud of before now.
This experience has renewed my confidence, at least enough so that I'm willing to give myself another chance, even if none of the original fic ever sees the light of day. Of course, I've also read fanfic that was so much better written, so much more original and captivating than much of what I've read that's been published.
I'm trying to figure out which plot bunny to chase down right now, I'm trying to string the little buggers out in my head and see which one kicks the hardest, but they all mill together. Rotten rabbits.
Because I'm a sucker, and I have the house to myself for a week, and because I spent an obscene amount of time on the phone giggling with S. who I miss so desperately at times it just seems unfair, I let myself watch Relativity and Meltdown again. I do try and alternate, and occasionally do watch things on TV other than Farscape, for instance I actually flipped back and forth between Buffy and Gilmore Girls on Tuesday night, enjoying myself very much on the one Tuesday during the year that I've been home at night, and I will also always watch X-Files when it's on, but you want comfort when you're sick and I'd been without these episodes since last year.
This has inspired me to beg my far more talented LJ friends for more icons. Believe me, it's not that I'm lazy (I am, but not in this case), it's just that I have no idea how to do these icon things, and my RL friend who makes me pretty things would probably think I was crazy if I asked her to make me a Farscape icon. So, anyone who is enjoying themselves with the icon making and has any free time (
kernezelda and veritykindle- yes I'm looking at you, not for the free time but for the skill with the pretties), I'd be eternally grateful for a John/Aeryn icon, any season, just together. I'd be happy to exchange my services for such a product!! Belly dancing, plot bunny beating, fic, silly songs, long rambles, - that about sums up my skills, but my enthusiasm far surpasses my skill. I can teach you how to get out of a strangle hold from any position, how to properly gouge an eyeball, and the best technique for an effective roundhouse kick. Oh, I can also teach you how to say really rude things in Greek and Latin!
I also started to think about why I liked TJohn so much. It's not that I had a preference. I ached for the John on Moya. Alone, obsessed, worried, useless and ineffectual, getting drunk and rolled and screaming a girly scream in a fishbowl after a night of feathers and multiple breasts. But the moment for me where I just adore TJohn is at the end of Relativity. He walks into command, touches Aeryn on the shoulder, and then just soaks up her pain as best he can. The macho protection is over and he's just all compassion and love for her, touching her face when she says that all of her ties are severed, understanding what that means maybe more than she does.
Can you tell, that while better, I'm still one with the cold meds. I'm off to write about inner city students learning to decoupage. Sometimes, I really love my job.
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no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 12:45 pm (UTC)Anything specific you want on it?
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 01:08 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-06-19 01:11 pm (UTC)What would you like as a reward?
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 01:27 pm (UTC)Hope you continue feeling better!
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 01:42 pm (UTC)Yay! Another outlet for the iconitis!
Re:
Date: 2003-06-19 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 01:31 pm (UTC)Definitely write more.
Sorry, caffeine, stress, more stress, moremore stress and Taco Hell have sapped my ability to think...
Re:
Date: 2003-06-19 02:38 pm (UTC)M. wouldn't watch Buffy or Angel with me for a while because I kept wanting to show him the things that I could do that we saw on screen (not that I looked like that, but still:)
So send 'em on! You're encouraging me to write, but you're not helping much with the bunny wrangling:)
Hope your day gets better. Here's an interesting and disgusting tidbit. In order to have an eye gouge be really effective, you have to press your thumb into the eye until it pops. That was almost the point at which I decided Krav Maga, not for me. Fortunately, they haven't made us practice that fully. Eyes popping is just gross.
Other useless facts, you can hunt squirrel any time of the year in MN, but you can only eat what you kill during squirrel season!
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 03:10 pm (UTC)I don't know why but that squirrel thing is that most disturbing thing I've read all day.
And I read the paper on the way to work this morning, too.
As for eye-gouges, I remember my dad teaching me how to gouge out eyes (yes, 'popping' was mentioned) when I was nine: this was his idea of 'street-proofing' me, along with teaching me how to cut someone's Femoral Artery...
And he wonders why I don't date.
I'll have to go see if they teach Krav Magna in Toronto...it reminds me of playing rugby for some reason.
Re:
Date: 2003-06-19 03:21 pm (UTC)And hey, at least your dad taught you useful things!! Mine wanted to buy me a gun when I moved to L.A. We had very serious words about how much I was not going to own a gun. He's thrilled that I'm taking Krav Maga.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 03:53 pm (UTC)Um, militia in Canada (at least when I was growing up) still meant the Canadian Forces military reserves not scary white supremecists freaks from Montana complaining because the RCMP took away their rocket launchers and machine guns (that actually happened out in BC a few years ago: the Mounties knocked on the front door, showed the SWSFFM their warrant to seize the weapons and simply put all the bad guns in a truck and drove away. No drama. Of course, the SWSFFM may have been too surprised to do anything. And they were extremely miffed when the journalists they complained to about this violation of their "right to bear arms" informed them that, in Canada, their is no constitutional right to bear arms. *vbfeg* Sometimes the stereotypes work with you, y'know?)
Anyway, sometimes he says stuff that makes me think that he wasn't just dressing up in a funny green suit for the hell of it all those years. And, he wanted me to get a gun when I moved out, too.
The discussion didn't go much further than "No fucking way on God's green Earth."
As for Krav Manga, I'm just looking for something fun to do to get in shape, and I've always secretly wanted to be Batman....
Re:
Date: 2003-06-19 04:23 pm (UTC)This should not discourage you from exploring it as an option for getting in shape.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 02:22 pm (UTC)Hope you feel completely well soon!
Re:
Date: 2003-06-19 02:41 pm (UTC)Now, name your reward! I really, really want to do something useful for other people!
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 02:54 pm (UTC)Are you going to ScaperCon? You could show me the hand jab thingie that Aeryn does in AHR.
Re:
Date: 2003-06-19 03:15 pm (UTC)But, let see, maybe I can walk you through this.
Punching someone is like reaching for a glass. You want to start in a fighting stance, which is generally your left foot forward unless you are right handed, about shoulder width apart so that you can rotate on your back heel if necessary. You want your arms up in front of you, kind of blocking your face but relaxed. For a front jab (that's your left hand) you curl your hand into a fist (thumb on the outside) and just pretend you are hitting someone who is looking you directly in the eye. If you practice in a mirror, go for that space on your reflection where your nose and eyes meet. Then pull your hand back quickly. To use the other side, do the same thing but make sure you rotate your shoulder and your heel so that your body is slightly sideways. This is your stronger punch, more of your body is behind it, but it's not quite as quick. Make sure you don't over extend your elbow!! It's really painful.
Punching is all about the rotation in your shoulders and your hips. That's where all the power comes from, not really your arms, but the force of your body behind the strike.
The palm strike is the same thing except instead of making a fist, you fold your fingers down to the top of the palm, leaving the palm and the hard bones there exposed, then do the same quick striking motion, but rotate your wrist in a little on contact. If you're going to hit someone under the chin, do the same thing. It's a good weapon because you aren't risking the delicate bones in your fingers or your knuckles and it's very quick.
I don't know if that's at all comprehensible!!
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 03:55 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-06-19 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 04:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 04:25 pm (UTC)Interesting.
It's too bad about ScaperCon - this will be my first time there, but my second convention.
My dad took me hunting when I was a little girl, and it was very exciting. Of course, being as schizoid as I sometimes feel, I crunched potato chips loudly so he couldn't actually shoot a Bambi, but the next time he went hunting, I told him to bring me back a squirrel tail so I could tie it the back of my bike.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 04:44 pm (UTC)I'm very jealous of everyone getting to attend ScaperCon, and I expect many reports and much giddiness.