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Another year older and deeper in debt
Jun. 6th, 2005 12:47 pmWell that's certainly true.
Also happy belated birthday to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nestra. Hope you've got a lovely year ahead of you.
Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes. They really do mean the world to me. The past year was... difficult... in many small ways, with wonderful moments thrown in, wonderful people and I am grateful. For the next year, I'd like some ease I think, some success and growth, some peace. It doesn't seem like a lot to ask for.
My mother and my aunt are in Carlsbad and I spent the weekend with them. We went to the Birch Aquarium yesterday and saw the crazy fish and then to the Witch Creek Winery for wine tasting and it was lovely. Had two martinis for dinner and some lovely Ahi sashimi and felt very guilty over eating relatives of the crazy fish in the aquarium, but did it anyway.
It was the mellowist birthday I've had for quite some time, but a good one. Renewing in a way, and tear free.
When we went back to the hotel after dinner, we went to the pool area, and since the spa was full, I got into the pool. It was lateish, very dark and the ocean was just over the ridge. Air clean and full of that salt smell, that sort of grainy greyness. The pool was lit in the middle and I was alone, and suddenly there was nothing I needed more than to just move through the water, to swim and to make my way.
I had this weird revelation at that moment, pushing through the water, the sound of strokes and kicks and cleft water so familiar, that it had kept me going as a teenager, that time in the water had helped me make it through, the whole metaphorical head under water, breaking through to air and light a reality in my existence at the time, and that I may have lost my way this past year because I'd been unable to find a similar metaphor made tangible.
I don't think it's a coincidence that water made such a showing in Project 2, that it serves a similar purpose for the characters as it does for me, and that's unexpected, probably the most self-revealing thing I've ever put in a fic and it wasn't conscious, just wrote itself based on an earlier mention in Project 1. Our minds do bring us full circle, that's for damned sure.
But it's something I know, that my life is better, is bearable, is passable, is understandable when water is involved, whether it's a retreat or a succor, a place to rest or a place to find freedom. And I want to hold onto that, these things, water and words, things that buoy me. It's good to say them out loud.
Also happy belated birthday to
nestra. Hope you've got a lovely year ahead of you.Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes. They really do mean the world to me. The past year was... difficult... in many small ways, with wonderful moments thrown in, wonderful people and I am grateful. For the next year, I'd like some ease I think, some success and growth, some peace. It doesn't seem like a lot to ask for.
My mother and my aunt are in Carlsbad and I spent the weekend with them. We went to the Birch Aquarium yesterday and saw the crazy fish and then to the Witch Creek Winery for wine tasting and it was lovely. Had two martinis for dinner and some lovely Ahi sashimi and felt very guilty over eating relatives of the crazy fish in the aquarium, but did it anyway.
It was the mellowist birthday I've had for quite some time, but a good one. Renewing in a way, and tear free.
When we went back to the hotel after dinner, we went to the pool area, and since the spa was full, I got into the pool. It was lateish, very dark and the ocean was just over the ridge. Air clean and full of that salt smell, that sort of grainy greyness. The pool was lit in the middle and I was alone, and suddenly there was nothing I needed more than to just move through the water, to swim and to make my way.
I had this weird revelation at that moment, pushing through the water, the sound of strokes and kicks and cleft water so familiar, that it had kept me going as a teenager, that time in the water had helped me make it through, the whole metaphorical head under water, breaking through to air and light a reality in my existence at the time, and that I may have lost my way this past year because I'd been unable to find a similar metaphor made tangible.
I don't think it's a coincidence that water made such a showing in Project 2, that it serves a similar purpose for the characters as it does for me, and that's unexpected, probably the most self-revealing thing I've ever put in a fic and it wasn't conscious, just wrote itself based on an earlier mention in Project 1. Our minds do bring us full circle, that's for damned sure.
But it's something I know, that my life is better, is bearable, is passable, is understandable when water is involved, whether it's a retreat or a succor, a place to rest or a place to find freedom. And I want to hold onto that, these things, water and words, things that buoy me. It's good to say them out loud.
