Local interests
Oct. 29th, 2003 01:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
itsallovernowThe weather is getting cooler, and they have high hopes that this will dampen the fires. I hope they're right.
Went to the opening of a school based health clinic this morning, which was nice. 10, 000 students and their siblings will be served by this clinic, in an area that is criminally underserved. There are more underinsured children in the San Fernando Valley than anywhere else in the United States. Health Care should be available and accessible to everyone. I am a diehard Democrat, although I'm looking disgustedly at my party and at the part lines, and I want to know why its not a priority, why health care and education and social services are something that my party feels comfortable compromising on. I want to know why we didn't put up a fight over the passage of No Child Left Behind.
I also wanted to talk, briefly, about being a girl in this society, because my snippet yesterday touched a nerve in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kernezelda and it's not that I want to explain myself so much as talk about where that comes from.
I'm lucky. I'm an only child - never had to live with my stepsisters - from a liberal, progressive family. There was no one who ever told me I couldn't be, do or say anything I wanted to. Well, there was no one in my household who said that. My grandfather thought girls were secondary, had two of his own, and never thought they were as worthwhile as his son. He loved his kids, hell he even liked his kids, but there's the rub, there was first and there was second.
We have big family gatherings, lots of people, lots of food, lots of work and my uncle and my cousin sit in front of the T.V., bitch about dinner, don't clean up. And it's accepted, just accepted, and it infuriates me.
Women still make less money than men do, for the same jobs, still get relegated to making things pretty. One of my best friends is a landscape architect, has the same degree, better references, better professional standing than the men in her office, and she's asked to do the surface stuff, and her frustration is growing.
Yes, women are doctors and lawyers, politicians and rocket scientists and poets and teachers and mothers and all of those things, but we still struggle. We are still the caretakers, the peacemakers, all of those things. We still struggle between being liked and being respected, between the dichotomies of what we can and should say and do, and it just isn't fair.
And we raise our daughters with the same insecurities because how can we not. Even in fic, and this is going to sound absurb because I do it myself, we talk about how beautiful the women are as if that's the first thing that comes to mind. Because it is. And obviously, a huge part of that is the medium - television is visual, the actors are supposed to look their best, and we're drawn in by the pretty and the shiny, but we don't love the characters because of their beauty. We love them for their strength, and like their beauty. And its started to make me crazy to read fic where someone's loved because they're beautiful, like it's part of their personality. Why don't we expect more from our characters and ourselves in portraying them?
All right, so I didn't really raise any questions, and I didn't really answer any, and I really do know we've come a long way from where women where 50 years ago. I know it's a good sign that my 14 year old students can't wrap their minds around the idea of women being second class citizens, and believe me, telling 14 year olds that part of that could be the bias of the researcher who studied those early societies and interpreted women's status as lesser really doesn't go a long way towards alleviating their skepticism, but thank god they're in a position to find it absurd, to question it.
But I see girls dropping out at 14, becoming pregnant because that's what is expected, I see insurance companies declining to pay for birth control, but happy to pay for Viagra, I see a lot things that put women second. And I still see women making the sacrifices, financially, socially, emotionally, and while it's not true for all women, it's still true for so many.
I just, I guess I still want us equal. I want women to not be embarrassed or ashamed of feminism - although there are plenty of feminists out there than I'm ashamed of - but mostly I want us aware, in our thoughts and actions, of why we do things, how we react, to each other, to situations.
I watched the West Wing episode where Ainsley talks about not supporting the ERA. And I thought she was absurd, because the 14th amendment does not make us equal, make us citizens, and I don't believe that stating equivically that we are equal and should be paid in accordance is a lessening of freedom, but some of that I think is Sorkin trying to interpret a Republican point of view while keeping the character intelligent and sympathetic, so I should probably cut them some slack.
So maybe, today, say something outrageous, or act out, or demand to be listened to or looked at or talked to. Maybe push and pull, and be less nice, and laugh inapporpriately, or tell a dirty joke, or tell a 14 year old that she has a great future ahead of her, whether she wants to be a mom, or a teacher, or the president. That she has to go to class, and read all the pages in the book, and use birth control, because yes that boy is damn cute, but he'll be a hell of a lot less cute when he won't get out of bed to change the baby's diapers.
Went to the opening of a school based health clinic this morning, which was nice. 10, 000 students and their siblings will be served by this clinic, in an area that is criminally underserved. There are more underinsured children in the San Fernando Valley than anywhere else in the United States. Health Care should be available and accessible to everyone. I am a diehard Democrat, although I'm looking disgustedly at my party and at the part lines, and I want to know why its not a priority, why health care and education and social services are something that my party feels comfortable compromising on. I want to know why we didn't put up a fight over the passage of No Child Left Behind.
I also wanted to talk, briefly, about being a girl in this society, because my snippet yesterday touched a nerve in
kernezelda and it's not that I want to explain myself so much as talk about where that comes from.I'm lucky. I'm an only child - never had to live with my stepsisters - from a liberal, progressive family. There was no one who ever told me I couldn't be, do or say anything I wanted to. Well, there was no one in my household who said that. My grandfather thought girls were secondary, had two of his own, and never thought they were as worthwhile as his son. He loved his kids, hell he even liked his kids, but there's the rub, there was first and there was second.
We have big family gatherings, lots of people, lots of food, lots of work and my uncle and my cousin sit in front of the T.V., bitch about dinner, don't clean up. And it's accepted, just accepted, and it infuriates me.
Women still make less money than men do, for the same jobs, still get relegated to making things pretty. One of my best friends is a landscape architect, has the same degree, better references, better professional standing than the men in her office, and she's asked to do the surface stuff, and her frustration is growing.
Yes, women are doctors and lawyers, politicians and rocket scientists and poets and teachers and mothers and all of those things, but we still struggle. We are still the caretakers, the peacemakers, all of those things. We still struggle between being liked and being respected, between the dichotomies of what we can and should say and do, and it just isn't fair.
And we raise our daughters with the same insecurities because how can we not. Even in fic, and this is going to sound absurb because I do it myself, we talk about how beautiful the women are as if that's the first thing that comes to mind. Because it is. And obviously, a huge part of that is the medium - television is visual, the actors are supposed to look their best, and we're drawn in by the pretty and the shiny, but we don't love the characters because of their beauty. We love them for their strength, and like their beauty. And its started to make me crazy to read fic where someone's loved because they're beautiful, like it's part of their personality. Why don't we expect more from our characters and ourselves in portraying them?
All right, so I didn't really raise any questions, and I didn't really answer any, and I really do know we've come a long way from where women where 50 years ago. I know it's a good sign that my 14 year old students can't wrap their minds around the idea of women being second class citizens, and believe me, telling 14 year olds that part of that could be the bias of the researcher who studied those early societies and interpreted women's status as lesser really doesn't go a long way towards alleviating their skepticism, but thank god they're in a position to find it absurd, to question it.
But I see girls dropping out at 14, becoming pregnant because that's what is expected, I see insurance companies declining to pay for birth control, but happy to pay for Viagra, I see a lot things that put women second. And I still see women making the sacrifices, financially, socially, emotionally, and while it's not true for all women, it's still true for so many.
I just, I guess I still want us equal. I want women to not be embarrassed or ashamed of feminism - although there are plenty of feminists out there than I'm ashamed of - but mostly I want us aware, in our thoughts and actions, of why we do things, how we react, to each other, to situations.
I watched the West Wing episode where Ainsley talks about not supporting the ERA. And I thought she was absurd, because the 14th amendment does not make us equal, make us citizens, and I don't believe that stating equivically that we are equal and should be paid in accordance is a lessening of freedom, but some of that I think is Sorkin trying to interpret a Republican point of view while keeping the character intelligent and sympathetic, so I should probably cut them some slack.
So maybe, today, say something outrageous, or act out, or demand to be listened to or looked at or talked to. Maybe push and pull, and be less nice, and laugh inapporpriately, or tell a dirty joke, or tell a 14 year old that she has a great future ahead of her, whether she wants to be a mom, or a teacher, or the president. That she has to go to class, and read all the pages in the book, and use birth control, because yes that boy is damn cute, but he'll be a hell of a lot less cute when he won't get out of bed to change the baby's diapers.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
YES YES YES!!!
Date: 2003-10-29 01:57 pm (UTC)Re: YES YES YES!!!
Date: 2003-10-29 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-29 02:25 pm (UTC)I call myself a feminist, and I am proud of it. I am also infuriated by many feminists. And I firmly believe that men in our society face different issues as a result of our capitalist and patriarchally driven society. These aren't simple issues, they are hugely complex. And I am awfully glad we don't all agree, becasue teh world would be a boring place if we did.
Wow, there are so many things I want to say. My post yesterday, about venting and maternal relationships plays into all of this, because my Mom is stretching herself in FABULOUS ways these days. Over the last 5 years or so, she has found herself and her voice in new and wonderful ways. And I am really proud of her. But, like everyone else, she isn't perfect, and so, there are issues that come with that. So far, I have had therapy, mediation and moving out suggested as solutions. None of which are bad suggestions, but none of which address the issue at hand, which is, in my opinion which was somewhat clarified by
I too was raised to believe I could do whatever I want. But I too live in a house where Dad rarely helps with the cooking or dishes -- something which now drives Mom crazy, but which she is accepting will only change in small increments.
Ok, I am all over the place here, but I guess my point is that being a woman today is NOT simple. I LOVE that girls just assume they deserve equal rights (for lack of a better term). But the complacency, the resistance to the term feminism a close friend of
Which is one of the reasons I like TWW. I don't think they always get it right, but they do raise issues and get people thinking. I clearly remember Ainsley on the ERA. And although as a Canadian, I was totally clear on all the issues, I DID really wonder about her points. Dad -- who tends to the political right -- was watching with me, and totally agreed with her. I initially disagreed with her, but I could also see her point. In the end, I think MY position would be different, but having a contrary point raised, hearing it talked about, got me thinking, and THAT matters.
Which is why forums like this are so nice. Even if they do take us away from diss's for a while! :).
no subject
Date: 2003-10-29 02:36 pm (UTC)I still, at 30 years old, get edgy and upset when women refuse to call themselves feminists. As if the right to choose your own label isn't as valuable as the label itself:)
And I completely agree - I also think men face intense and complex issues, and I'm aware of many of them ( and for the record, and I'm sorry to say this because I know and love many middle class white men, but they need to suck it up. They are not losing out because they're white and middle class, they're just not getting what they think is their due anymore. Yes, that sounds like I'm close minded and unsympathetic, but I have a lot of issues and evidence to back me up on this), but I don't, obviously, have the same insight into their predicaments.
I think you're right as well, that a lot of familial conflict does stem from these issues -because it is about identity, about finding a place in society, and who it's safe to lash out at when you find yourself uncertain in these new roles. Congrats to your mom though, for stretching her wings:) And to you, for hanging in their, pursuing your education, even when it's making you crazy:)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-29 02:52 pm (UTC)nice points though -- and I too am proud of mom! Takes some doing coming from her background. But she sure did raise us right! Both my sister and I KNOW we have a right to be here, in whatever capacity we want.
and yes -- the right to choose your label is definitely as important as the label itself. Which is, in fact, one of the points of debate I've had with the friend I mentionned. We agree on the point, but see how it plays out quite differently (which comes back to issues of definition and perception I guess. Among other things.)
Diss. Right. bye now!
Feminism
Date: 2003-10-30 04:50 am (UTC)As a result, my daughter's both have very firm ideas about fairness and both are feminists, whether they choose that label or not. (One does, the other doesn't.)
As someone who lived through the ERA discussions and votes, someone for whom the Roe v. Wade decision was extremely important, someone who has occasionally had to fight for credibility, I worry about the possibilities of lessening the gains that we have made in the last 30+ years (oh, that's a scary number).
When my kids were little, I made them repeat after me, every night at bedtime: "I am a competent, creative, wonderful person." In part to get through the strains of growing up, but also to reinforce their importance as individuals.
I guess the point I want to make, is that feminism doesn't just come from articulating the points of feminism. It comes from fathers seeing their daughters as important - participating with them. I comes from mothers not putting limits on what they can do - nor allowing others to do the same. It comes from having the strength of character to stand up to high school boys who accuse you of being a femi-nazi and being confident that who you are and what you believe are good things.
This isn't written particularly well - probably because I can get fairly emotional on this topic. Thanks for the opportunity - and I, too, love your final paragraph, and will set out to do something outrageous today.
kc
Re: Feminism
Date: 2003-10-30 10:04 am (UTC)Absolutely. It was having parents who didn't set limits on me that made me who I am. And I'm eternally grateful. And I'm sure your daughters are too.
And I think that your statement was very well said, emotional or not. It's something to get emotional about!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-31 09:31 am (UTC)