Getting Back to Basics

[itsallovernow]

Okay, so, while I haven't been fannish lately, I stumbled upon an old post while looking at something tangential and realized that one of my favorite themes/memes is the What I've Learned from Television meme.

And since it's been a while since we've done this, there are new shows that have popped up to intrigue us and teach us exciting lessons like:

1. Never let yourself get xeroxed by a cannibalistic super-genius in a space ship.

or

2. Always pack extra underwear, even if you're not sure you're going to be staying overnight. You never know if the universe comes in your size.

or

3. Everyone's a serial killer.


So, things y'all have learned from TV!?!?!

Go!!

Comments

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

1. Never shy away from becoming the executive secretary/office manager of a large fashion corporation -- you'll be a beloved family member and well-connected gal in no time flat!

2. Rich girls in the Upper East Side? Really are Like That (except for that ex-bad-girl-turned-good-and-sweet). Run from the rest!

3. Being resurrected by your childhood love ain't all resurrection is cracked up to be, alas.

[scrubschick.livejournal.com]

1) Always keep a knife, a handcuff key, and a weapon in both the trunk of your car/spaceship and your bedroom closet. Sooner or later you'll need one or all of them. And quite possibly bandages.

2) If a beautiful woman kicks your ass either mentally or physically in the first five minutes of your acquaintance, you are destined to fall in love and have children with her.

3) The other shoe always drops.

4) Dead is not necessarily either a bad thing or a permanent thing.

5) The color of your t-shirt is an omen.

6) Always put wormholes and double agents back the way you found them when you're done playing with them.

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

Mr. F will attest that #2 is TOTALLY TRUE.

[scrubschick.livejournal.com]

Heh. I love Mr. F. *g* And you. *hug*

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee. Which is why we love Mr. F!!!

[wearemany.livejournal.com]

Never go to the bathroom. There will be some kind of gunfight/alien abduction/robbery in progress when you get back.

Everyone might be gay. Especially if they like girls and/or guys.

The only proper way to exit a family fight is by crying and running up a set of stairs.

I learned all this from I Love Lucy:

[ropo.livejournal.com]

The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle of Vitameatavegamin.

A pound of rice per person is too much rice.

Don't go into business with friends.

[cofax7]

Don't be a single woman in space without birth control. No, seriously: don't. Get an implant or an IUD. And even then, get a regular checkup: those things appear to fail with regularity.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

This is my favorite one yet!!

[lomer.livejournal.com]

1. All mermaids (and mermen) swim by sticking their arms in front of them and wiggling like mad. When I attempted this in the pool today I discovered it's not nearly as effective as tv tells me. (Yes I am secretly five years old and decided to swim like a mermaid in a public pool.)

2. The really tough handsome guys who are sort of assholes... secretly cry on their teddybears at night because they had a difficult childhood and no one loves them.

3. Don't touch the red button. Don't even look at the red button.

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm....things I've learned from TV:

1) Some beings are nobody's puppets.
2) Be careful what you touch if you're on a space ship of any kind.
3) Never pee in the maintenance bay.
4) Don't eat the little bug shaped thing that cleans your teeth.
5) Don't even fry it before trying to eat it.
6) Watch out for alien super-dooper-izing arm bands.
7) Plan A always goes wrong.
8) As does plan B.
9) Plan C goes wrong and there is no plan D.
10) NEVER EVER EVER WEAR A RED SHIRT.

Dude, where art thou?

[fialka.livejournal.com]

I'm here, wanna play? Email me your number at me@lj -- neither B nor I have it.

Whee!

Re: Dude, where art thou?

[cofax7]

Welcome to the Left Coast! And the sun: I hope you brought shorts!

Re: Dude, where art thou?

[fialka.livejournal.com]

I have shorts, but stupidly forgot swimsuit. Which is a shame, since B's pool actually looks swimable these days.

Re: Dude, where art thou?

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Marshalls!! I got a $12 bikini that is totally wearable!!

[ainsley.livejournal.com]

I have learned that the best jobs are the ones that ensure that your job is your life.

[suenix.livejournal.com]

1. If you are going to commit the perfect crime don't do it in Las Vegas.

2. Duct tape is your friend.

3. It's easy to make Molotov Cocktails with random bottles from your
liquor cabinet.

4. Careers in the FBI are overrated.

5. If a guy shows up on your doorstep claiming to be from the future
believe him.

[projectcyborg.livejournal.com]

EVERYONE IS BISEXUAL.

[lem0nb0mbs.livejournal.com]

1) If you are a dude, dressing as a woman might get you out of a bad jam, even if you aren't really fooling anyone. But it will always be hilarious. Especially to your comrades. (Goes for women too, but isn't really as funny.)

2) Every ship (space, air, water, dimension) has a doctor, medic, or scientifically inclined person. machine, or hologram-program for those, um, organic emergencies. Sometimes you have to threaten, draft, capture or reprogram the above to do this job, but the entity will always be there if you need one and search hard enough.

3) With all energy transporting devices, where you stand/float when you turn said devices matters a lot. Also, double check the end destination to avoid nasty surprises. Check twice. Even if there is nothing there. Especially if it seems nothing is there.

3) Secretaries, admins, interns, executive assistants, second-in-commands, aides and such are always smarter and wittier than their boss, are ignored and undervalued by said boss, and pretty much can run everything with their eyes closed without the boss. If they wanted to. They don't. If they want anything, they want the boss.

4) Want to see how well a guy holds up under stress? Corner him. Take away his pants. Better yet, take away all of his clothes. Strand him sans-garments. Check out his poise and bravado. This is always unfailingly hilarious, too.

5) Unless you are Santa Claus, nothing good ever happens in permanently cold places.

6) If a planet seems too good to be true, it is. GET OUT NOW.

7) If you are a dude and some really pretty chick offers food/flowers/a special dance/Pokemans to you and not to anyone else, GET OUT NOW unless you are desperate to be married. Note: This never happens to anyone who wants to be married.

8) If you are chick and some smelly, boorish gross dude asks your companion if you belong to him, lose the feminist attitude and SAY YES unless you want to go live in the disgusting dude's harem. Note: This never happens to the female comrade with the loose morales and the energizer-powered libido. This always happens to the liberated, tough chick who is in love with one of her male comrades but doesn't know it/won't admit it yet.

9) In space, almost everyone wears the same thing, or the same three things, every day, even if it's not a uniform. On Earth, no one ever wears the same thing twice unless it's a uniform.

10) On Earth, all grocery trips include a loaf of French bread and celery in a paper or canvas bag. In space, or in the future, grocery trips include blocks of something-something and blue fruit in some sort of plastic tote. In less-evolved locations, groceries are always carried in large baskets, and include piles of fruit and often a round loaf of bread wrapped in a cloth. Apparently, no one in any era eats frozen food, loose grains, Coke or Frankenberry, or picks up a package of AA batteries, toilet paper or trash bags while at the store.

I love TV!