I Live in an Endless Cycle

[itsallovernow]

This has been the year of water in our house. Or rather, the year of not being able to access it. Our hot water is still fucked - in part because of the endless standoff between M. and the landlord, both of whom are being assholes. I've facilitated as much as I can, but I simply cannot state how done I am with this manner of living my life. I am determined to remove the bullshit from my daily encounters. I'm not talking to people/men who make my unhappy, I'm not putting up with absurdity from M., I'm not taking certain encounters personally, I'm not over-extending myself with the troupe and I am being polite and professional as I choreograph this new dance and not getting into a cat-fight charged power struggle.

I am making strides, dammit. I am standing up! So, wouldn't you think that the least the universe could do would be to offer me a reward? Just a tiny reward? Reliable hot water? I mean, I'm not even asking to have the drive through surfer service back, just hot water to wash my hair and my self. Too much to ask, I guess.

My condolences to the SGA fans on my list. Seriously, I feel your pain. I have never watched with any kind of consistency, but I certainly hope that the fandom continues to give you all vicarious joy after the show finishes.

I need to expand my social networks, I think. I very much like the people I know, but I need to... expand that, get out more. I need hobbies that allow me some social interaction. I'm even thinking of buying a bicycle, although I really need a new phone more, and both of those are financial pipe dreams at the moment. But I feel like I like the idea of tooling around on a pretty little three speed Trek, except I think it's that same early 60's cinerama vision daydream I have of a Vespa and skirt and cute flats and pretty Italian boys.

In short, I should go back to the climbing gym and boulder (even though I will be terrible at it, but it looks fun and oh the eye candy). Or, I should suck up my fear and learn to surf, although I really, really don't know that I have it in me to get over a fear that pervasive. I'd have to lobotomize my imagination and I don't think I'm capable of that.

So, today's poll: What's the biggest thing you were afraid of that you made yourself face and get over?

Coming soon: a post on claiming sex and sexual response and sexual presence in the face of how women are often robbed of it.

Comments

[sophia-helix.livejournal.com]

1. Hot water! OMG. Ours was OK at first, but over the last year it's gotten to the point that I never want to do dishes because I have to wait at least five minutes for the sink to heat up. The shower does warm up faster, and we've discovered that if you run it and the sink at once the sink will also heat up, but sometimes I just give up and boil water to wash pots with instead.

2. Cruiser bikes are cute, but freaking heavy. If you have stairs to your apartment, be warned. They're all the rage in my college town, but we're also notorious for being one of the flattest cities around -- the only hills are freeway overpasses.

3. I hate talking on the phone. Hate hate hate. So does my dad. Ergo he made me start calling to ask stores when they closed from an early age, partly because he didn't want to do it and partly to toughen me up. I still don't like it much, but if I have my little script/checklist I can manage it. Once I even argued the LA Times out of making me pay for a "trial subscription" which a) didn't tell me when the "trial" ended, and b) was never delivered to me anyhow. It was pretty exciting.

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

I should suck up my fear and learn to surf, although I really, really don't know that I have it in me to get over a fear that pervasive. I'd have to lobotomize my imagination and I don't think I'm capable of that.

Girls surfer camp in SD next summer (I'm going to comic con if it kills me and it may).

It's hard. I know it's hard and it keeps on being hard long after you think you've earned a break. But when you put your mind to it and push through, you'll be fabulous and untouchable and you're pretty cool as you are, too.

xo

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Loves you. And yes, Girl Surfer camp. Next summer. It's on.

I am having one of those weeks where I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth and it makes me INSANE to feel this way.

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

I am having one of those weeks where I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth and it makes me INSANE to feel this way.

I admit this may sound retarded coming from me but have you tried meditating? It actually helps me a lot - just set your mind to how you're going to feel today. It's not magic but it helps.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

It's not a bad idea, and I actually spend a fair amount of energy willing myself to have a good day, it's just... the crazy is sneaky.

seriuosly?

[claris.livejournal.com]

You and I are at the kind of silly now.

Also, if you look, UCLA rec has lessons in everything aquatic - surfing, kayaking, small boat sailing... and possibly this little sport called rowing. ;)

Re: seriuosly?

[raithen.livejournal.com]

you two. martinis. soonest. that is an ORDER.

[suenix.livejournal.com]

The biggest fear I conquered ?
Needles . I used to faint at the sight of them all through my school
years. Then I made myself start giving blood. I passed out twice doing
that as well . But by the third time I was okay. And now it is no problem at all.

[jcalanthe]

Re: your boundaries in the first paragraph, hooray! Go you! That all sounds awesome! & I agree, you totally deserve a reward of hot water. If you lived anywhere nearby, I'd invite you over for a long hot shower/bath/whatever (you're still invited, but I doubt you'll make it to Santa Clara for it :). And wow, that sounds kind of dirty outside of my head but that's not what I was thinking...

Have you considered a used bicycle? Craigslist, freecycle, used stores - would defly be more affordable (freecycle especially :). Though if you're focused on the aesthetics of it, those might be harder to meet.

My biggest fear that I faced? Healing from incest, hands down. I don't think anything could ever be scarier (I hope not!).

If you're interested in a woowoo tip, there's the Five Minute Phobia Cure, which I've had some success with. That link has a pretty good description of it. I learned it as "I love myself wholly and completely even though I..." & that this had to be said three times clearly, starting over if I stumble over the words (having trouble saying it means the statement is a good one to do this with), but this looks pretty similar. When it says "tap" in step 1, they mean turn your hands palms up & tap the sides of your hands together over & over again. Anyway, YMMV, there are certainly people who think this is BS, but anecdotally I know people (not just me) who have found it helpful, and I figure, even if it's placebo effect, that's fine by me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to bust out a whole testimonial in your lj like that - feel free to just ignore if it's not of interest. I cross my fingers for hot water for you soon!

[scorpy808.livejournal.com]

Ah, the joys of apartment living! I've been through a very similar situation.

As for the fears poll ... I kind of face my fear of heights every time I go snowboarding (that's just because my desire to snowboard trumps ski lifts). But the big one ... well that one is coming up in 6 days. I'm getting on a plane (multiple planes in fact) and I haven't done that in 15 years because of random fear. But I am so getting over that ... tired of being held captive by phobia! So that one I'm planing on facing (and conquering) on Thursday!

[wendelah1]

I am a nurse. When I was a student, I nearly passed out the first time I had to give an injection to a patient because I had a serious phobia of needles. Thank God, my instructor was watching. (Which she would have been anyway, students don't get to do anything without supervision.) But after that first time, it got easier. I did have to psych myself up to do it initially, for maybe the first year of practice, but I quickly got really good at giving them, and at putting in IVs. I was very motivated, I suppose. I no longer have a phobia of needles, personally, either.

[sevathediva.livejournal.com]

Hi!

Lurking in from the murky, murky blue depths of RealLife induced Lurkerdom:

Hardest fear to conquer:

Also, as a nurse, learning to be an agency nurse. To go to places that I had to mapquest before I left the house, sometimes in a different city. To walk on to a new unit/floor, with no orientation, and no network of friends to help. Learning to always keep nuts or trailmix in my pocket and a cold sandwich in my backback because I probably wouldn't know where the employee lounge was anyway.

Finding/gaining access to the medications I needed to give. Finding the supplies I needed to do procedures. Knowing where the bathroom was. Learning the documentation/protocols of the myriad facilities.

It was so very scary for me, and a lot of nurses are too scared to do it. But what I learned is that if you present a friendly, confident, and helpful presence, 99% of people are nice, and friendly, and helpful, and glad you're there. And that is a really damned reassuring thing to know about the human race.

I also learned that nursing at xfacility or yfacility, or even inter-city, just comes down to being a caring human being.

I am so very happy to be 42. Learning that I can be good at what I do under the most uncertain and shifting of circumstances had a lot to do with me stepping into my power.

Facing what scares you empowers you.

Totally rambly, and a little incoherent, as I work night shift and just got home....also...I know...who??

Anyway, from one chick to another: Step into your power, you should totally learn to surf.

seva

PS- sleep deprivation is very freeing.