itsallovernow | Eaten Alive

Hee - that subject line kept coming out "Eaten Alice" which sounds way more fun.

In short, this week - despite an excellent middle of squeaky clean house and "help me get rid of my junk and drink booze and we'll call it a party" - has eaten me alive.

Work has sucked out my coherence. Too bad it doesn't have excellent financial compensation to make up for it. I like my job, sure, but...turns out being the boss is sort of... fraught.

I am, on the other hand, reading a collection of Kelly Link short stories which absolutely rocks. They make me want to read more, and more importantly, write more. I utterly resent all the obligations that are built into my time to support my need for food and shelter because without them, I feel like I'd be at a creative peak. Resentment, it's the new black.

vonnie_k tagged me for one of those "10 Fictional Characters I'd Fuck" memes (although it was phrased much more nicely, but truth is, I just love that word too much to not use it.) Sadly, it comes down to: Cranky, crazy, and pretty in their madness. Throw in some snark, throw in some smart, throw in some unexpected sweetness, some southern charm, some little bit of competency, and I'm all over it like white on rice. Which is to say: John Crichton, the crazy years. Angel, in the snarktastic years (yes, I love big and dumb), Teal'c, nearly always, D'Argo, although the tentacles may have to go, Toby Ziegler, the bitter and cooking years, Emerson Cod, the knitting years, Gil Grissom, the later years (shut up, I can't help it), Han Solo, the I'm a child of my era years, Cameron Mitchell, the SG-1 years ( a little bit of disappointment does wonders for the disposition) and the list goes on.

In real life, I can't seem to keep shaking this pervasive sadness that keeps eating at me. I wish I could. I'm trying. I really am. (Largely because it's making me bitter, jealous of other people's happiness and competencies and my own confidence is eroding like a below code foundation). I don't like looking at my flaws when they get wrapped up in these feelings, wondering what's lacking in me that I still feel this way.

Happy Birthday, though, to two of my best beloveds: