Meme and Complicitness

[itsallovernow]

First, I loved the answers to the "be something for a day" question!

Yesterday was a whirlwind of activity:

- Breakfast date (boy from the internet. 1.5 stars. Nice, sweet, bought breakfast. Not my type at all. He went to mass before breakfast for Palm Sunday, was in the Navy. Works in IT. Not compatible, nice nonetheless.)

- Worked (client), worked some more (student), worked again (book editing with 83 year old).

- Went to local production of "The Sound of Music". Did not know until I got there that it was an all children cast (5-12 year olds). Demanded much booze of the person who brought me.

- Ate oysters as reward for all children musical.

- Met up with T. to gather data points on his ex-girlfriend so he can decide if he wants to date her again. T does this sort of thing with alarming regularity. But he bought the drinks.

-Collapsed into bed at 1:30 a.m.



This has been a weekend of acknowledging my own complicity in my unhappiness. I realized two things:

One, I am unhappy about the no longer dating boy, and not contacting him only sounds less complicit than answering when he e-mails. It's the same. It's making me sad, and I'm buying into it because I like him and don't want to not hear from him. It's not... helping though. I need to stop. He is continuing because I don't tell him to stop, because I give him tacit permission. Therefore, I am complicit. But it will hurt, and it will mean giving up the illusions/hopes I have pretended I don't have, so it will also be embarrassing. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be done.

Two, I am complicit in M's growing alcoholism because I have not said, "You have a problem. This will only end a few ways, and none of them are good." The argument that M. is not my responsibility is a false construct. There isn't anyone else to say this to him, and his behavior is escalating (two instances of losing his car, one of which also involved losing his jacket and keys and sleeping in a pile of leaves in our front yard for four hours because he couldn't get into the house and I didn't have my phone in my room and didn't hear him knock.)

Neither conversation is one I want to have. One makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed and sad. The other makes me nervous, and equally sad.

I feel that both mean some sort of surgical removal of men that I love in various ways. I kind of hate that, but one is better for me, and the other is better for both M. and I. Most days, I hate being a grown up.

So, meme:

First seen on voleuse's lj:

Three things _____ did after the world ended by _____.

e.g. Three things Olive Snook did after the world ended by nuclear attack.
e.g. Three things Sam Winchester did after the world ended by clowns.

Fandoms I'm willing to write in:

Farscape
SG-1
Slings and Arrows
Pushing Daisies
Dead Like Me
Firefly
West Wing
X-Files
TSCC (but I haven't seen the finale!!)
Buffy/Angel

Movies that you know I've seen (Aliens universe, Hitchcock oeuvre, most anything from the 1940s, etc)

Fandom of your choice but I make no promises of accuracy. I might enjoy it though, fannish osmosis being what it is.

Comments

[cofax7]

Oh, and I feel like a schmuck because I didn't read the rest of your post, particularly about M.

I... god. Has he no support network? I mean, wow. Alcohol fucks you up if he can sleep in the yard and not see that as a symptom of something massively wrong.

I still think you need to move out.

I know you feel some responsibility for M, but do you have the emotional energy to call together any of his friends and say, "Dude. You're fucked up. Get help, because we're not going to help you anymore."? Because that's what it's going to take. (And yeah, I'm speaking from experience.)

Does he want to end up on the street? Is he alienating his other friends? I never thought this kind of behavior was attractive, but it's less attractive in anyone over thirty, and he's hitting the point where the body just doesn't recover from that kind of abuse. But you know this. Does he?

{{many hugs}}

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

No support network, no. Because that's what happens when you lose what judgment you had.

If I don't say it, no one else can/will. It doesn't please me, but it's true.

Hugs you back. Thank you.

[cofax7]

He has no friends or employers? Have any of his coworkers noticed his drinking problem?

You shouldn't have to shoulder this alone, hon.