I Knew Going In

[itsallovernow]

Over the course of my life, there've been a number of choices I've made that everyone in the world (or at least, everyone who knew me even a little) knew would not end well for me. Everyone, of course, but me:



a)Holding onto the cat's tail. I was two. I was in love. Enough said.

b) Winding the hairbrush, the eggbeaters, the curling iron, or the hairdryer into my hair at various points of my childhood and adolescence. It always got stuck. I always shrieked and cried. There was always a big chunk of hair missing.

c) Playing the oboe. (Seriously, anyone who's ever been near either a child or an oboe knows that unless the kid's a musical prodigy, or really, really inclined to practice their talent unsupervised, the oboe is not for the faint of heart. This applies equally to the violin, the cello and any sort of brass instrument whatsoever).

d) Taking that cigarette from that oh so cute boy. So damnably cute.

e) Going to grad school. For archaeology. I hate to camp.

f) All those boys in grad school. Particularly the pretty ones.

g) That last martini, that last whiskey, that last vodka and orange juice. Any and all of the above, any time. Goldschlagger - the one and only time.

h) The U-Haul and the City Bus and subzero weather and man was that bus driver having a crappy day. The tape player and my dad's car and being 16 and man did that tree and my dad's trucks axel have a seriously crappy day as well.

i) Ficathons!! (Not in general, just those I've signed up for without inspiration or motivation).

j) Saying yes.

k) Saying no.

l) Living with M.

m) Opening the oven door that time when the oven became a fireball.

n) Most of my DIY projects - including taking apart the sink, taking apart the VCR, installing a new screen door, installing a new door to the bedroom, drilling holes, crawling up into the space above the bathroom in my Athens apartment and getting stuck. Projects I can never finish on my own.

0) Putting pine nuts under the broiler. And forgetting about them. Also, see corn tortillas. Fire, fire everywhere.

p) Taking that job. The one with the crazy woman.

q) Living in the Paper Street House (even though at the time, we didn't even know Paper Street existed. I was Jack's bleeding ulcer.)

r) Singing "Me and Bobby McGee" at karaoke with someone who swore they knew the words. And lied.

s)Hemingway. We were always on a crash course of mutual loathing.

t) Multi-tasking while depilitory activity was going on. You never know how much you're gonna want hair in delicate areas until it's gone.

u) Waxing delicate parts after. Ultimately, it's a trade off of cause and effect, but anyone who tells you it doesn't hurt is lying!

v) Silent Hill. M's a nutcase for convincing me this was a good movie.

w) Stealing popcorn out of the display case at the Chinese Theater during the midnight screening of Casino Royale and a LOT of bourbon. It's really just there for pretty.

x)The flying dismount off the monkey bars.

y)Banana Laffy Taffy.

z) Thinking that going out with someone who no longer wants to date me, but still wants to see me is not going to hurt like fuck. Really, I mean really, this should have been a no brainer.

Contrary to the above list, I am not a stupid girl. But sometimes, oh sometimes, I so have to learn by doing. I've gotta fuck it up before I figure it out. There outta be a law. Or at the very least a big psychic slap, like the crazy cheesy Maldis hand coming out of the either to whack you.

Comments

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

Your list has given me thinky thoughts. And reminded me of the time my father asked me to fry some potatoes for him. Which I'd never done...my mother was away, and I'm not sure she'd ever made them.

So...you can see where this is going....

I put a tad of oil in the pan. Immediately it burst into flames causing the three hopeful border collies to fly out of the kitchen. Me....well, I didn't know that pouring old water would cause the entire kitchen to be engulfed in a mushroom cloud of grease smoke and flames.

Nothing was damaged. But I did have to spend a few hours cleaning up. And pondering the sudden lack of hair on my arms.

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Or at the very least a big psychic slap, like the crazy cheesy Maldis hand coming out of the either to whack you.

Not unless he agrees to ditch the satin ruffles and knee breeches - not all of us live in West Hollywood.


*love you*

I wish you could come to visit.

[ropo.livejournal.com]

Awwww. You're a lovely girl. I've done so many of these things, but diferently, in my own way.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

I'd love to see your list!!

[lizlet.livejournal.com]

There are some sad stories here, true, but damn right that they are stories. And you're learning and improving and always trying, which is the most important thing. I'm proud to know you, myself.

Then again, I've also nearly set my kitchen on fire a few times. And done stupid things with boys. Last night amongst them.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Dude!! You must fill me in on last night's adventures:) Seriously!

Adores you! I'm fairly proud to know you as well my dear:)

[lizlet.livejournal.com]

Oh, not much adventure. Actually, a real lack of adventure. A very simple point A to point B I-guess-this-really-is-a-date-want-to-give-me-a-ride-home-and-come-up-while-you're -at-it situation. But I suppose I don't regret it. :)

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Yeah!!!! good for you!!!

[sophia-helix.livejournal.com]

v) Auuugh. The game scared me (we played it over about six months). The movie was just two hours of unmitigated horror, capped by being stuck in the theater.

y) Aw, why you gotta hate on the banana?

I agree, these are stories, and far more than I have or ever will have. Is it weird to envy you for them?

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

I'd have punched someone if I'd seen it in the theater:)

And there's something...weirdly pervasive about the banana flavor that gets to me (particularly after I ate three pieces in a row:)

And I don't think it's weird to envy the stories:) I frequently envy other people's misadventures, wishing I were braver. Because other people's stories are always more fun!

Besides, you've got plenty of adventures of your own! Start making a list and you'll see:) Life is way more entertaining in list form!

[gigerisgod.livejournal.com]

t) Multi-tasking while depilatory activity was going on. You never know how much you're gonna want hair in delicate areas until it's gone.

You think you can until you can't and then, oh, man, talk about being sorry. And the whole time you find yourself thinking, 'why didn't I just schedule an appointment and pay someone else to do this?'

u) Waxing delicate parts after. Ultimately, it's a trade off of cause and effect, but anyone who tells you it doesn't hurt is lying!

Everybody knows it hurts like hell, but for some reason people try to tell you it's really not all that bad. One bit that helps, morning waxing hurts way less than doing it in the evening.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

That's excellent advice for future reference!

[gigerisgod.livejournal.com]

Try it. There's a difference. I heard it's because our bodies tend to carry more water later into the day. More water means the skin's tissue expands, making it more sensitive. I won't even attempt waxing myself at night now.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_minxy_/]

Oh, I don't know... this is one of those Star Trek episodes where Q lets you go back and change something and it totally adjusts the person you are today into something unrecognizable.

I think you are wonderous. And everyone wants to do a flying dismount off the monkey bars.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee - most people don't want to land on their face though:)

I don't have regrets, I just wonder, occasionally, why I can't see what's right in front of me:)

[geekturnedvamp.livejournal.com]

This kind of cracked me up because I used to keep actual lists of regrets/"learning experiences", like, 'driving a car down stairs? not as easy as it looks in the movies!' and 'if you lost an article of clothing and someone turns up wearing a sweater/hat/bathing suit which looks exactly like yours, it probably IS'... in fact, I used to divide them up into categories, like romantic/sexual, academic, financial, and automotive (the car got its own category because I was an... adventurous driver in my youth). So to say I relate would be an understatement *g*.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee!! I loooove that idea:) Cataloguing the things you've learned in a VERY orderly fashion:)