I Am So Too Old For This

[itsallovernow]

Conversations that, at my advanced age, I should not be having:

With M
M - How coherent do you really have to be at your job. You just sit at a desk. (In the interests of me staying up with him and drinking more vodka).
Me- Pretty coherent as THAT'S WHAT THEY PAY ME TO DO.

M- Hemingway didn't need sleep.
Me- But I don't want to be a misogynistic, womanizing old drunk writing about fish, now do I?

With A. (my choreographer and partial employer)
A - Just ask them.
ME - No. No. No. No. I will not ask my parents for money to go to Egypt.
A - But I'll give you half.
Me - But you don't have half.
A - But you should ask them.
Me - But they don't have it either.
A - But you should ask them.
Me - ARghhhh!! I will talk to you later.

With designers and sales reps
Them - But you gave me until the 8th!
Me - And you understand that today is the 10th!!!
Them: long pause... Yes?
Me - Argh!!!!!!!

With the cats
Me - Did you... did you just pee on the floor!!!!????
Cat - Not if you didn't see me do it.
Me- You did, you little... you did!!
Cat - You see nothing. You know nothing.
Me - Did the other one just put the entire contents of his water bowl on the floor, after you peed on the floor?
Cat 2 - Nope. That was other cats. Totally other cats.
Me - I hate you both right now. Please stop walking in the litter box with your wet feet and walking across the couch if you want to fool me into thinking you HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE FURNITURE since you're not allowed on the furniture because of the PEEING.
Cats - You see nothing. You know nothing. Totally other cats. No, this is not clumping litter all over my paws.

Conversations I SHOULD Be Having
crankygrrl - How naked does she have to be to do this missionary style?
Me - Pretty naked. How committed are you to the position? The person naked? The type of penetration.
Cranky - I can't believe I'm having this conversation over e-mail.
Me - Happy sigh.

Comments

[elliejane.livejournal.com]

#you see nothing, you know nothing#


#pretty naked#


Falls over at the visuals in my head - because I can totally SEE the cats in my head.

(and possibly also the naked)

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

They think they are completely innocent. They are so, so wrong.