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itsallovernowSo, I'm doing the car repair hokey pokey. Bring the car in. Take the bus to work. Take the bus to the mechanic. Drive the car around. Take it back the next morning to get it smogged. Have it fail. Pay more money I don't have for another repair. Take the car back. Drive it around. Take it to the mechanic. Take the bus to work.
My car currently has no license plates. I currently owe the city of LA a lot of money for failing to get the Sherrif to sign off on my fixit tickets. The last fucking thing in the world I want to do is aimlessly drive my cop magnet car around until the odometer crosses 40 miles. The car is at the mechanics. Again. If it doesn't pass the smog today, I don't... God, I don't know what.
My mechanic (or at least my mechanic's partner) is very hot. This is a plus. However, I've spent so much time at the mechanic's this week that he almost counts as a date. And I'm paying him to fix the car that's giving me panic attacks. That's like some sort of weird kinky BDSM thing. I'm going to just think of it in that light, and not in the throwing money down a hole and not even enjoying it.
I sincerely apologize (both to my flist and myself) for this journal turning into the ALL Depression and Car Repair channel. Believe me, it bores me as much as it bores you. I wanted to say something pithy and profound about wanting to chart the course of this depression, now that it's settled in with weight and heft like an old friend that leaches away at your momentum and your foresight, but I'm just not that blase about it. And when I get to that point, when I realize that I'm treating my behavior like it's normal, I know I can't be blithe and blase about it.
On the other hand, going to the car repair place at the edge of Hollywood has been sort of a journey, as has taking the bus. It's like visiting someone else's Los Angeles, someone else's town full of different smells and textures and framing devices. It doesn't sound the same - cars and trucks rattling at a different timber, streets angled at the wrong perspective from the grimy height of the bus window. People with plastic grocery bags, and purses clutched tight. Students reading, and studying, and watching the world go by. It's made me feel like an outsider, but in the same way that I've carried that sort of soloness into new cities and new places, not so much like my normal alone in a sea of peopleness that I carry through the rest of my time here.
My mother has suggested that the car and ticket trauma is a sign to leave LA. I love her, and I take that both with the love and ambition with which it was meant.
My car currently has no license plates. I currently owe the city of LA a lot of money for failing to get the Sherrif to sign off on my fixit tickets. The last fucking thing in the world I want to do is aimlessly drive my cop magnet car around until the odometer crosses 40 miles. The car is at the mechanics. Again. If it doesn't pass the smog today, I don't... God, I don't know what.
My mechanic (or at least my mechanic's partner) is very hot. This is a plus. However, I've spent so much time at the mechanic's this week that he almost counts as a date. And I'm paying him to fix the car that's giving me panic attacks. That's like some sort of weird kinky BDSM thing. I'm going to just think of it in that light, and not in the throwing money down a hole and not even enjoying it.
I sincerely apologize (both to my flist and myself) for this journal turning into the ALL Depression and Car Repair channel. Believe me, it bores me as much as it bores you. I wanted to say something pithy and profound about wanting to chart the course of this depression, now that it's settled in with weight and heft like an old friend that leaches away at your momentum and your foresight, but I'm just not that blase about it. And when I get to that point, when I realize that I'm treating my behavior like it's normal, I know I can't be blithe and blase about it.
On the other hand, going to the car repair place at the edge of Hollywood has been sort of a journey, as has taking the bus. It's like visiting someone else's Los Angeles, someone else's town full of different smells and textures and framing devices. It doesn't sound the same - cars and trucks rattling at a different timber, streets angled at the wrong perspective from the grimy height of the bus window. People with plastic grocery bags, and purses clutched tight. Students reading, and studying, and watching the world go by. It's made me feel like an outsider, but in the same way that I've carried that sort of soloness into new cities and new places, not so much like my normal alone in a sea of peopleness that I carry through the rest of my time here.
My mother has suggested that the car and ticket trauma is a sign to leave LA. I love her, and I take that both with the love and ambition with which it was meant.
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no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 08:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 08:41 pm (UTC)And the mechanic still has not called to tell me it passed or failed the smog test. It's like waiting for a frelling pregnancy test!!
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Date: 2007-01-31 08:53 pm (UTC)So, could be worse, eh? And y'know, it could be a sign to leave LA. It could be a sign to sign away your soul to buy a new car. It could be a sign the LA needs proper public transit. Or you could just have really shitty karma this year.
Did you squish a bug in the last few months? Kill a spider? Vote Republican? ;)
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Date: 2007-01-31 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 09:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 09:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 09:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 09:46 pm (UTC)Not the catchiest slogan evah.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 10:11 pm (UTC)I want this t-shirt, btw: http://shop.canadaka.net/designs.php?id=125
no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 11:46 pm (UTC)http://www.cafepress.com/CanFangirlsIDIG
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Date: 2007-01-31 11:54 pm (UTC)Sorry. Couldn't resist. Leaving now. Bye-bye.
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Date: 2007-01-31 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 07:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 11:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 07:18 am (UTC)And believe me, with the depression, the no money, the car hokey pokey and all of it - I'd still take it over bodily fluids any day!!! Even if you do have fabulous, fabulous offspring!
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Date: 2007-02-01 05:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 11:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 07:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 12:32 am (UTC)Hang in there.
Clearly, we should go see a movie and get food. My treat.
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Date: 2007-02-01 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 07:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 01:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-01 07:13 am (UTC)