Groggy

[itsallovernow]

Exhaustion, planes, trains, automobiles and cottonwood trees are so very much not my friend. I've got a killer headache and could pass out under my desk right now.

Instead of sleeping on the airplane yesterday (thanks to two adorable babies two rows up who were not at all impressed with air travel), I started to watch Life on Mars. And yes, I'm hooked, thank god, so now I'll have a topic for my next SMRT-TV column. It's totally got that element of "Guy thrown into an imparseable situation, coping. Sometimes badly." that I really love. And it's also got a wry sense of humor.

Much joy was had by all, including the aforementioned Beavis and Butthead retrospective for crankygrrl. We apologize to the nation of Canada for corrupting her. And Mr. F does a damn fine Beavis! And a mean grill!

It's hard to come back to the real world where I can't vary between speculating that Cerebro is really just a giant database of good vs. evil. (Sigh, wheel, wheel, wheel. Put on the helmet. Move her over to evil. Wheel, wheel, wheel.) To considering how to best use a fleet of Luxans doing a personal favor, or how to best tie-dye baby clothes, or break a kid out of jail, or what kind of personal insanity runs through my family tree. There's a type of compatibility, of comfort, in being able to talk to a group of people without embarassment, about sharing all your hobbies, about not being afraid to look foolish. It's something I've spent a lot of my life looking for, and am astonished to have found it as a fully grown adult.

And the fact that most of these people love me despite my early morning (or late morning, or any time in the morning) bluriness just gives me such pause at times.

Next weekend is my reunion, which is really marked by the idea of what I've accomplished since I graduated. There'll be a panel lead by several grads about what they've done, and I'm completely unsurprised by the accomplishments of one of the women. She was a good friend, and possibly the most selfless person I know and I'm happy for her. And sometimes, I can look at my life, and not feel like I've failed, that if I can get the people who love me to keep doing it, I really have done something with my life.

Comments

[raithen.livejournal.com]

{{hugs you}}

I am so glad you found these folks! ;)

And we will never forgive you for corrupting one of them....

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hugs you back. Sounds like you had an amazing week!!

[rubberneck.livejournal.com]

"Welcome, Professor."

"...*sigh*..."


I love that you can put into words this huge profound *thing* that I can't begin to express, except for one tweak: I'd *stopped* looking, convinced that it didn't exist...and then it found me.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Can't... stop... giggling.

Hee.

Wheel, wheel, wheel. Bloody temps.

.and then it found me. More like barelled into you full speed ahead:) Found implies a degree of subtlety that none of us posess:)

Loves you utterly!

[cretkid.livejournal.com]

it's great to come into a group, find the few that share a common background, that you can say something like "Welcome, Professor." *sigh* and have it MEAN something, and not have it seem strange or weird, or have everyone else looking at you like you've grown a second head because there are MANY of you in one place and who the hell cares if the rest of the straights don't get it.

hee!

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

It really, really is great to be able to have that commonality, to have it mean something.

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

wonderful what you've said about finding that group of people. i hope the reunion goes well. {{{hugs}}} i think you're right about the importance of loving and how measuring our lives by it is vital.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Thank you dear. I think the reunion will be great. One of my major stresses about it got resolved, so I can just go and have a good time.

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

wonderful that it's already taken care of. *hugs*

[fialka.livejournal.com]

Oh, Yay! Life on Mars has made it across the pond! Can't wait to read that column.

As for life, how can you have failed? Look at all these splendid people who surround you. In the end, when we're all wrinkly and dribbling (if we even get to last that long) what else is really left but the memories of the people you loved and the wonderful, mad times that you shared?

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

I'm quite adoring Life on Mars (in part because it's got a killer soundtrack and is one of the first shows to really use that soundtrack. It's totally clues to what's going on, I think!!!)

And yeah, I look at all these people I've met, that I adore, and I feel much better about my life.

[kernezelda]

You haven't failed if you are loved for yourself, not for who you were or who you can be, although those are also important, but for who you are now.

And you are.

Even if you did aid and abet the corruption of Cranky.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Thanks honey:) And at least I thoroughly enjoyed the corruption.

She would have been well within her rights to reject it as we've universally rejected the butter tarts.