Ahem

[itsallovernow]

Clearing my throat, tapping on my microphone.

I'd like to start this meeting of Sexwriter's Anonymous by making an annoucement.

searose, you owe me porn. Good porn. To make up for Dara Joy. No, really.



I need to find a link to the cover. This should work: Rejar by Dara Joy. ALL of her books had covers like this. ALL. And I bought it, telling the saleswoman that I needed a gift receipt because purchasing The Story of O caused me far, far less embarrasment.

And then I read it. I almost didn't make it through the prologue, which talked a lot about the hero's "enhancement." His "special gifts", which did not include, much to my disappointment a penis with twirling nobs or flashing lights or built in vibrator.

The main character is a Familiar, meaning he can be a cat and a person, apparently. And it manages to take on whole new cracked up elements, while also keeping the ones I hate. This time, the virile (really really virile, been with hundreds of women virile) older man is also from another plane of existence. And as a cat, sleeps in the heroine's bed and can manipulate her with his mind. And apparently, during really good sex, breathes some sort of mystical force into her.

Aside from the first sex scene, which was at least pleasantly different, even though it was referred to as the Ceremonial Mounting of first mating (okay - I may be exaggerating, but this is close), which was to take her from behind up against a mirror, the sex was uninspiring, and the plot just kept making me giggle, and creeped me out a little. Manipulation, unwanted sexual advances, lots of things that hinted at pseudo-rape and violation, but in a nice, loving way since he was "sensual" and "loved women."

Yup. All the buttons. Virginal heroine. Being saved, on the heroes side at least. Dominating, domineering man ordering her around, using power and sex to bend her will to his.

The writing wasn't bad. It was overdone, and there were far too many adjectives in the veing of extraordinarily, and exceedingly and magnificently, but she gave the heroine some strength and some heart, and it took her awhile to fall in love with the hero, but oy, I just couldn't take this seriously.

It was like every bad cliche from time travel romances, regency romances, and cracked fantasy converged into one hero who was not able to do anything else with his penis but pump it vigorously.

Now, I realize that her other books might be better. Might be hotter or more intriguing, so Searose, tell me if I'm wrong here!

Comments

Confessions of a Romance-Reading Prawn Writer

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Oh, no. Oh, fuck, no!

No, no, no, no. And NO. Do not, not ever read sf/fantasy-type novels published by romance publishers. You know why? They're bad at it. And they're marketing these things to women who've never read Connie Willis or PTerry or Tolkien but own a complete set or Original Trek novelizations. Gah, no.

Better you should read Laurell K. Hamilton than read those!

Re: Confessions of a Romance-Reading Prawn Writer

[kernezelda]

Hey, I have some original Star Trek novelizations and enjoy them very much, more than some of Willis' stuff.

You know Laurell KH has another Anita Blake out? It's the thickest one I've seen yet, and I just could not buy it. Given the loss of plot and character in exchange for sex and violence, I am severely disappointed in LKH.

Re: Confessions of a Romance-Reading Prawn Writer

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Hey, I have some original Star Trek novelizations and enjoy them very much, more than some of Willis' stuff.

Yeah, I knew I was gonna run into trouble with that one. But my point was, you know what proper SF/Fantasy is... and that stuff *points with dramatic disdain at the imaginary shelf of time-travel romance novels off to the side* ain't it.

Re: Confessions of a Romance-Reading Prawn Writer

[raithen.livejournal.com]

late late LATE to the party, but Judith Tarr is now publishing (under the nom de plume Caitlin Brennan) for the Luna imprint, and is FINALLY finding some commericial success. Which ain't all bad. And she is still also writing as Tarr for her historical and fantasy stuff.

Re: Confessions of a Romance-Reading Prawn Writer

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

So not buying LKH. I should have started earlier in the series. But, that being said, well, I'm not actually sure that this book was worse than the LKH I read. It was sillier, but...

Re: Confessions of a Romance-Reading Prawn Writer

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee:) You walked right into that one.

It didn't look like it was going to be sf/fantasy. That's why I put the others back:) Well, and because I couldn't bring myself to buy the one with the guy chained to the wall.

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Note to self: never search "yuck" on Google images. Arrrrgh! I'm blind!

And apparently, during really good sex, breathes some sort of mystical force into her.

Uh, do they make an antibiotic for that?

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

God, one can only hope so.

o_O

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

the Ceremonial Mounting of first mating

Followed by what? The Ceremony of the Bow-legged Procession to John of the First Morning After?

which was to take her from behind up against a mirror,

Ugh, all I can think about is glass shards in bad places...

Dominating, domineering man ordering her around, using power and sex to bend her will to his

Okay, *a-chem* maybe I should switch this post to anonymous, but I have to admit I kinda like that trope. Not in a 'silver-tempted, slitty-eyed, saturnine, 40 year-old boss undressing his PA with his eyes' kinda way but, to paraphrase Nancy Friday, there's a difference between creepily innappropriate sexual overtures and a pirate who looks like Russell Crowe not taking 'no' for an answer. If you're going to write about someone using power and sex to control someone write about a man using power and sex to control a woman — it can still be hot but deal with it honestly instead of infantilizing your heroine by making her unaware of how patently inappropriate the relationship is.

Hey, where'd this soapbox come from... *scratcheshead*

Re: o_O

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Oh, I agree with the trope being sexy as all hell. When done well! When done with an eye to power play and sex, shifting the balance and playing with expectations.

The problem is that I get really annoyed at the physicality being used to dominate non-sexual behavior and then layering sex in there makes it worse.

Re: o_O

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Oh, I agree with the trope being sexy as all hell. When done well! When done with an eye to power play and sex, shifting the balance and playing with expectations.

Totally.

And now I've got myself thinking about pirates that look like Russell Crowe... I may have to watch Master and Commander again tonight, which, given the above post, I find funny as hell.

Re: o_O

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee. But there aren't any GIRLS in Master and Commander.

But now I picture Russel Crowe saying, Arrgh, after all of his clipped, serious orders:)

Re: o_O

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

But there aren't any GIRLS in Master and Commander.

That would be the other reason it's funny. ;]

Re: o_O

[electricland.livejournal.com]

I direct your attention to The Pirate and the Puritan, about halfway down this page...

...also to the accompanying comments.

Re: o_O

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

oh my god!! That was hysterical:)

[kernezelda]

Thea, have you ever read Janet Kagan? She's written some good stuff, as has Mary Rosenblum.

http://isfdb.tamu.edu/cgi-bin/ea.cgi?Mary_Rosenblum

http://users.inetcentral.com/erickagan/

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

I have not! But I will go forth and look:)

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'd had an...encounter the other year with one of her cat-people books. And I almost warned you. But searose looked like she was having far too much fun.

::snickers:: "Ceremonial Mounting."

[electricland.livejournal.com]

*hee* It was a plot! A Plot With Porn!

...nevermind, that worked better in my head.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee - nope, works pretty well on the page too:) And I even went into this venture knowing it was a plot, but just couldn't help myself:)

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Snort. Searose was having Waaaay too much fun. And I suspected as much, but still could not resist the lure. Actually, when I saw the cover I was praying that it would only be too virile to be real with lots and lots of creative sex. I was hoping for too much. The worst part was that I read it in the bath, my own cat lolling by the heater and I kept looking over at him and giggling. Having my adolescent boy of a cat turn into a muscle bound stud has just never been a fantasy of mine. Getting him to stop poking me in the face with his claws yes. Mutuating, not so much:)

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Having my adolescent boy of a cat turn into a muscle bound stud has just never been a fantasy of mine.

And you found the angel-sex disturbing... *shudders*

[electricland.livejournal.com]

*a-chem* Greebo.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Very, very good point!! Hee, and that never fails to crack me up, because Greebo's just as cranky and randy as a human as he is as a cat:)

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Hey! Just, just -- you shut up, you! *glares*

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

I don't know what you're talking about.

*blinks innocently*

Anyway, we were talking about Thea's cat...

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Who I'm very happy to have stay a cat. And honestly, fixed male cats don't want booty, they want to sniff your armpits, which is far more charming in a cat than in a boy.

[fourteenlines.livejournal.com]

The worst part was that I read it in the bath, my own cat lolling by the heater and I kept looking over at him and giggling.

*hysterical laughter*

Hee.

[searose.livejournal.com]

Uh... hi! So you read one of those books by Joy. And it was Rejar.

Library, get them from the library. Don't *buy* these books.

High Energy and High Intensity are two books of Joy's I'd recommend borrowing from the library, because of the classic device of Mary Sue marrying Marty Stu while a lot of porn is going on. And, there is some plot!

I think Dara Joy also wrote a scifi romance where men have some sort of hymen to break (and women don't, so virginal men are valuable commodities).

With Joy, it's just blink and read the next page.

you owe me porn. Good porn. To make up for Dara Joy. No, really.

Hahaha, - what? Porn as penance? Is this a new thing?

Okay, I was a bad child, most immature. Pairing of your choice, with only my best intentions of being able to see this one through since I'm a shy and retiring porn newbie.

[kernezelda]

porn newbie

You? You wrote J/S in a few short strokes that was not only hot and evil, but believable!

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee - exactly!!

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Snort. Library. Check.

And yes, porn as penance!! You porn newbie you... picks myself up off the floor after recovering from fit of laughter.

I want, damn this is just not enough penance, I want J/A during LGM. Ha! Hmm. Or Aeryn/Chiana, anytime, probably Season 4, though:) Sticks out tongue, wishes I were more creative. Or D'Argo/Chi, illicit and making up for lost time.

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Watch out, she's demanded LGm porn before and I still haven't managed to get it to work...

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

I figure, eventually I'll have asked everyone and someone will write it for me!!!

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

*snort*

It's on the list, I swear.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

I know it's on the list. Somewhere on the list!

[sunshinercj.livejournal.com]

a penis with twirling nobs or flashing lights or built in vibrator

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

I so, so wish that the Amazon excerpt had the prologue. I may actually have to bring it in and type out some of the more outrageous language. Because then you will exactly what I mean! And thus understand my severe disappointment:)

[sunshinercj.livejournal.com]

Please do.

[haphazardmethod.livejournal.com]

The best part of your post may be that it so got under crankygrrl's skin that she came back and commented three times. *g*

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee:) And, she'd already heard the rant in e-mail:) Which technically makes it four times:)

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Immediate gratification takes too long...

[raithen.livejournal.com]

so, I think I can blame YOU for the dream I had the other night, after I read your first post about romance conventions.... *glares at thea*

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee:) I'll take full responsability:)

[raithen.livejournal.com]

well, this was a wierd dream, because while, yes, it was about a boy (one with whom I nearly had a fling a couple of years back), and while it was on the surface a positive dream (read: FUN!), it was also full of underlying tension. See, your post made me all thinking - even more so than usual -- about the ways that men quietly try to subdue and wield power over women. And so the positive fun sexy dream was shot through with moments where the boy was an ass. A lot like real life with the boy, actually....

Merry Christmas, btw! Hope you are having a great visit with the family!