Momentary Lapse of Reason

[itsallovernow]

I heard a cover this morning of a Pink Floyd song on Morning Becomes Eclectic. I knew it was Pink Floyd, but it was kind of a throaty, jazzy cover and I just couldn't reconcile the reality with what I was hearing.

Summer stretches out, and I work through it, working and little else, dance even becoming drudgery as I get angry and frustrated, as it becomes obligation and not release, and I'm thoroughly sick of pimping out my brain and my skill, selling my services so I can pay my rent.

If I buy a condo, I sacrifice my social life, but I make some sort of effort towards financial stability, something I use to laugh at because it seemed so pointless, so against the things I believed in - moments, and art, and social justice. It seemed like cheating to have a stable life. And now, I can't even cheat on myself, boxing myself into stability and resenting it will tightening the twine.

In a fit of weakness, I had Bennington send me info about the low residency MFA. It's supremely expensive, supremely impractical and tempting for so many reasons. Other schools have similar programs, but I feel unfinished in regards to Bennington, the experience and my youth, the things I thought I was capable of, the things I wasn't.

And Donna Tartt's prose is perhaps not the greatest influence on a crossover fic, and I see the way I take and snatch, bright eyed as a crow, stealing my pieces of tinsel and shiny paperclips and working them into my wordy nest. But southern gothic, taciturn soldier and worn out frontier Cap'n are maybe not the greatest textual combination. And they're not working they're way to the casual sex very quickly. Grrr.

Oh, and rubberneck's latest installment of Little Acorns made me weep as much as the dead tiger sharks. She's just so good, it's killer dude.

I said dude the other day, sitting on the couch, talking sharkies and cats and the future of our front door with M. and he started to laugh. "Dude, you just said dude!" I'm going to special boy hell along with the rest of them for having pared down my vocabulary to surf speak. Eloquent. I used to be eloquent.

But, but at least two of the hussies are Burbank bound, and this is a gleeful thing. Such a glorious, gleeful thing. I may even have to clean the house, vaccum up M. and the cats for public consumption.

Comments

DUDE!!

[raithen.livejournal.com]

oh, that made me laugh. There was this guy now, that is NOT somethin' I say very often! ;). There was a narrowly averted sadly, I think fling followed by email correspondence I had just moved cross country in which we pretended nothing happened. I was always mildly irritated that he insisted on opening the emails "hey, dude!" I vaguely remember lecturing him (via email, of course) about the connotation of dude in my horse-oriented world, and making it verrrrry clear that I was most assuredly NOT a dude, since I know my horses rather well. Didn't help, though ;). BOYS!!

Re: DUDE!!

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee! Oh yeah. Years it took me not to be appalled by the use of that word in surfer lingo - because yes, grew up in Colorado, the daughter of a former cattle rancher.

And oy to boys, because that is just unbelievably annoying. A plain, "Hey" would have been better by far:)

Hugs P. because I haven't heard from her in ages:)

Re: DUDE!!

[oneeyethedrd.livejournal.com]

I had a friend back in grade school and jr. high (before having a girl as a friend was just too uncool for him) who used to habitually greet me with "Hey, dude!"

Now, I don't have the equestrian background to be disturbed by it on those grounds, but, being a girl, I thought it was kind of silly to be addressed as 'dude'. My payback, which eventually broke him of the habit, was to reply, "Hey, chick!"

Re: DUDE!!

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

One of the prime dude purveyors, who does at least acknowledge gender differences, calls me "Seniorita." It cracks me up every time.

Re: DUDE!!

[raithen.livejournal.com]

oh, I was disturbed on gender grounds, don't you worry. but given the recent near-fling, there were distancing efforts going on in both camps we had enough friends in common to want to remain cordial, and ya, friendly. hell, if i hadn't been moving in a couple of weeks, things may have been different, and i figured this was one more way he was doing that. But I sublimated my annoyance with the equestrian thing, cuz, well, easier, and also more important. :D.

[fourteenlines.livejournal.com]

Wow. Did we switch brains or something?

(Also. Try hearing "Dark Side of the Moon" done bluegrass style. Y'know, like the "old-timey" music from O Brother Where Art Thou. *shudders*)

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee - baby, I'm happy to switch brains with you any day, but I'm guessin' you'd want yours back ASAP:)

And I'm running scared from the very thought of Dark Side of the Moon all atwang:)

[fourteenlines.livejournal.com]

Oh, I can do just fine without the Big Life Freakouts, hon. *g* And I'm beginning to suspect there is something seriously defective about my poor brain.


I cackled with laughter at the Dark Side cover, because it was...well, strangely not-terrible.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Nah, you're brain is just fine, and you definitely do not need more Big Life Freakouts! (And I have to admit, much as I'm struggling with the crossovers, I'm far too intrigued by the hints of what you're writing and I want to know what it is:)

[scorpy808.livejournal.com]

"Dude, you just said dude!" rotflmao! Seriously, I can't even remember when I didn't say "dude" ... maybe grade school? Middle school? It's hopelessly stuck now, so don't feel to bad ... until you start phrasing things such as, "Dude! We were all like, dude!" . Thankfully, I've never said that, but hear it quite a lot around these parts.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee - I know he's heard me say it in sentences, but I think it's possibly the first time I personally used it as a sentence.

[sorlklewis.livejournal.com]

Bennington!

Speaking of... I came home to STACKS of mail from them. Much paperwork. But hee! And a family friend called, passed along congrats to me, and told me of a great Irish pub in town. So, yeah. I'm chuffed.

And Bennington! Hey, I can't afford it. We could be insane and not!afford it together. *G*

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

An Irish pub? In Bennington, VT? That's gotta be new, and that's fabulous. Oh, I'm just still so absolutely thrilled for you:)

Hee - yeah, being broke in the wilds of Vermont:) It's so very tempting, the writing program is so very, very good, and I've thought about it for years, going back as a grown up:)

[sorlklewis.livejournal.com]

See? You should go! *g*

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

You've no idea the level of tempting. It's low res, so it's four weeks of the year. It's all reading and writing, and it's an MFA and the chance to work with some fabulous writers.

Hee. It's also $7000 a semester. Without transportation fees:)

[sorlklewis.livejournal.com]

Only $7000? Hey, man, that's a fab deal. And yeah, I know, only 4 weeks... but just think of how much I'll be paying. *G*

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Okay, yeah, so there's no way to compete with the undergrad fees:) It is a good deal, considering, it's just sort of terrifying without scholarships, etc.:) The last time I went to Bennington, I went for free:) Hee. Maybe this would be pennance:)

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

yea! you made it home okay.

{{{{{{{{bron}}}}}}}}}

camel.

[sorlklewis.livejournal.com]

Gu-sset!

And yup! Back in Colorado, not dead, going through my stack o' mail.

{{{{{wg}}}}}

Many thanks for everything. It was great hanging out with you!

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

It was great hanging out with you!

you too!

still trying to figure out the correct spelling for "ghhhaarrrllllgggllhhhh." and the rest of the words for the Camel Song. heh.

[sorlklewis.livejournal.com]

Snerk. "D'oh, a camel. A bootleg camel."

Or a pretty camel. Depends, I s'pose. *G*

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

oh yeah! i forgot it was "bootleg"....so what's after "golden"? la la la.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

hmm, probably because I've always considered the focus on making money to be faintly repellent - that consumption and excess and financial gain were things I didn't really want to be entrenched and immeshed in.

It's hard for me, to find a balance between the realities of needing to be financially stable, and not looking at money as something attractive in of itself, to look at owning something as a plus and not a weakness, tying me to a lifestyle I'm not sure I want to lead:)

There are lots of issues and ideals and realizations tied up into all of this for me, so it leads to a lot of questioning. I don't think they have to be mutually exclusive, but I'm only now seeing how that's possible - how it can be that someone can write and travel and exist and be employed and socially useful, and still not have money be a star to revolve around. It's the accumulation of wealth, the importance put to that goal that I want to not be part of. I know that sounds silly and posturing, but it's not meant to.

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

i've always thought that the person dictates, that the person's underlying nature and character will guide them. if they seek only financial stability in a positive sense, then the accumulation of "wealth" is not a negative thing. if they are inherently generous and/or giving, then that part of their nature will balance them and the "problem" becomes moot. idealistic perhaps, but there it is. of course, reality always throws a spanner in the works, but i think the core of a person will win out.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I agree completely. I've just always been leery, never wanted to be swayed by the wanting, because it's so easy, so tempting and I feel it sometimes, setting into depression at the inability to buy ridiculously priced shoes:)

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

stupid Mahnolo Blaniks. clearly, the bane of the world.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Exactly - riding roughshod over my ideals with their pretty shiny arches:)

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

If I buy a condo, I sacrifice my social life, but I make some sort of effort towards financial stability, something I use to laugh at because it seemed so pointless, so against the things I believed in - moments, and art, and social justice. It seemed like cheating to have a stable life

i'm curious why you feel these are mutually exclusive?

apologies for the deletions. i constantly fail the 10 percent rule.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee - so not a problem:) I do it myself:)

[cofax7]

I think my homeownership issues are linked less to "I'm not like that" than "it ties me down." I've moved so many times in the last 20 years, and now I have a house to sell the next time I decide to up and relocate across the country.

On the other hand, it's MY HOUSE! And I can do whatever I like with it. I dreamed this morning of painting the cabinets in the kitchen in a faded farmhouse blue. I may do that.

Plus, massive tax advantages. Totally unfair, but very nice nonetheless.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

And see, all of those things are part of the appeal. Something that's honestly mind - that isn't a product of Apple Corp, that isn't small black and furry with pointy teeth, that doesn't come from Nordstroms:)

It's the tying down, the "if I buy this I'm actually staying in LA" aspect:)

And mmm, farmhouse blue cabinets sound so lovely. i have to admit I'm so much more excited about trying to make this happen thanks to you, and all of the other supporters offering their own tales of home ownership. It makes it sound like something new and terrifying and exciting, but so worthwhile:)

And dude, tax breaks. I can live with that.

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

there is an amazing sense of freedom that comes with owning a home, and also a rather dichotomous sense of roots that don't leave you feeling tied down. you belong somewhere in a way you may not otherwise and draw an odd sort of strength from that.

your social habits don't have to change, the sense of "moments" and participation in arts and culture. it simply means that you do so starting from a fixed point.

of course, if you buy over your head then the socialness can definately suffer in that you suddenly have no money, but that's another thing all together. :D

[cretkid.livejournal.com]

I bought my house 4 years ago; granted, I was also making half as much money then as I do now (and I still make jack shit)... the tax break is wonderful, having collaterol is cool, and it forced me to watch my credit better. and in my neck of the woods, a mortgage is cheaper than renting by almost $500 a month (the house next door is renting out for nearly $1000/month)...

When we were renting (I have the house to myself now) I had NO money left each month (granted, I was also making less, but combined my sister and I made what I'm making now)... now, I have a couple hundred left behind at the end of the month.

so, yeah, why I can possibly go to Burbank this fall... :D

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

yea for Burbank possibilities!!!

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

It makes a lot of sense, if I can swing the initial purchase. It just brings with it a lot of issues, a lot of debt, and the input of everyone related to me:)

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm less worried about my social habits than my sense of self:) Well, and the mortgage, and paying. That I'm definitely terrified of:)

But

[raithen.livejournal.com]

you always pay your rent. and usually your cable ;D. And I doubt that you would rely on M. to put the check in the mail for your mortgage, SOOOO. Really, it's no different, except for the need for a down payment. AND each month, the money you pay is building equity well, yes, and profit for whoever holds your mortgage, but hey, can't win 'em all. And since my education was pretty much paid for as a result of such profits, I shan't complain. ;), instead of going to build someone else's equity.

is a win/win, really. esp. if you buy somewhere that is likely to increase in value and is likely to be relatively easy to sell. Then, should you decide to leave LA, you will make money AND not be tied down.

In fact, one of the reasons I am leaving the phd program is that i want to be able to buy property within the next few years. So go for it!! It won't change you unless you let it.

Re: But

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Thanks honey:) And I contemplate all of this knowing that it's only a slim possibility of being a sometime soon thing, more likely a not so soon thing depending on the whole downpayment issue:)

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

and that kind of fear is such a good thing. :D

[barkley.livejournal.com]

You just said dude again. I saw it. Then again, I say it a lot more than I type it which is sadly depressing at my age. Even two years ago, I was not ready to buy a condo. I hadn't reached that stage. I didn't want to be tied down. But, while you can't just pick up and go, you can still pick up and go if you need to. People do sell houses. *g* At least, that's what I tell myself.

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Hee. In LA, selling your residence is a way of life:) And I've become sadly addicted to typing - and clearly saying - the word dude. It's scary actually:)

[simplystars.livejournal.com]

*raises hand guiltily*

Dude, you aren't the only one. Except for last night, when I purposely used it in every comment I left in Kerne's LJ, just to irritate her. *g*

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee - well, irritating Kerne is certainly a worthwhile cause, and if we could get her to say dude, that would certainly be something:)

[apathocles.livejournal.com]

Note to self: don't call Thea 'dude'. *g*

It's a word I've only really started using since I got online; and, 99% of the time, that's where I use it. I've always used it when I'm talking to my pets (one of our cats in particular has always been called 'dude' on a regular basis by most of our family *g*), although I *have* used it once or twice in real life, of late.

In high school, it was always 'man'. And I used to use a lot more Australianisms ('stacks good', 'heaps good', et cetera). Internet killed the speech patterns. *sigh*

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

Hee- I'll laugh my ass off if you call me dude:) And the wriggling introduction of it into my vocabulary has been both terrifying and hilarious:)