That satisfying check
Feb. 2nd, 2004 01:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
itsallovernowSo, I made a list of things I want to accomplish this year, and am slowly checking them off. Of course, some of the items are silly things - getting my oil changed, getting the car tuned up, scheduling my annual exam, that kind of stuff, but at least they get checks.
It's a very satisfying feeling, and would be moreso if the big one's were getting checks as well.
I spent a lot of time listening to Radiohead this weekend, mostly the Bends, but a little Kid-A and Ok, Computer, which is pretty much a slit your wrists album while The Bends is sneaky and rocking and melancholy and clever, wraps you up and licks your neck and makes you sit in the car 'til the song finishes.
I've decided that High and Dry desperately needs to be vidded. It would make such a good Farscape vid, if the temptation to make it sappy could be avoided, there are just great opportunities in there, and yes, I've written down the scenes and the scene changes and that doesn't get me any closer to knowing how to do this. Or extending the days so that I'll have time to learn. I listen to it on repeat with Fake Plastic Trees, end up feeling like yelling out the window, like being a princess in a castle, lost and pale, barbie perfect and like scratching my skin off with my nails ala Eustace.
I also spent most of Sunday on the couch reading Gaudy Night after inspiration from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
minnow1212. My love affair with this book is lasting and deep. It formed so many of my ideas on scholarship and love, and shaped my vision of myself. Who I wanted to be. I longed to be lost in academe, searching and driven, and at the same time wanted to meet someone who personafied what Peter was to Harriet, a match, an equal, someone who loved her for what she was. I also wanted to be at Oxford, among stone parapets and ancient libraries, and formal dress disregarded. I wanted scholarship to infuse me, live in the porousness of bone. I tried to get that to happen, and that I didn't achieve it ultimately still stings and pricks.
I understand things on a different level now, and am beyond glad that I do. How bitter obligation feels, and the dichotomy of women's choices because while they've changed and expanded, have transcended working definitions, they are still a different choice then men face, I think. Work or family and what gets sacrificed for both, but then, I don't think many of us embrace work as a defining role either, having grown out of that mindset with the necessity of income. It's difficult, isn't it. To define oneself in this day and age, to comfortable with a label and definition instead of rallying against it. Which I think has to be a good thing. So rereading this left me with so many of the same feelings, the same reactions and interactions and longings, and with a new distance and a new understanding and I'm so pleased that it stood up to memory, viscerally and intellectually.
I also understand the obligations and types of love so much better now. Haven't let go of what I wanted, but have played those other roles and again, am pleased to find that my instinct at 14 wasn't wrong.
Got my Remix Redux challenge and I think it's doable. Not easy, but doable. Checked the Sparky's for the second round, am blushingly and foolishly pleased to still be in the running, but had to laugh in certain cases. In one category, I'm up againstfialka, and really, there's just no competion. I'm gonna vote for her:) It's a better story, better writing. I just sort of gigglesnorted and moved on to find several more instances of similar match ups:) And it gave me a little vicarious thrill:)
It's a very satisfying feeling, and would be moreso if the big one's were getting checks as well.
I spent a lot of time listening to Radiohead this weekend, mostly the Bends, but a little Kid-A and Ok, Computer, which is pretty much a slit your wrists album while The Bends is sneaky and rocking and melancholy and clever, wraps you up and licks your neck and makes you sit in the car 'til the song finishes.
I've decided that High and Dry desperately needs to be vidded. It would make such a good Farscape vid, if the temptation to make it sappy could be avoided, there are just great opportunities in there, and yes, I've written down the scenes and the scene changes and that doesn't get me any closer to knowing how to do this. Or extending the days so that I'll have time to learn. I listen to it on repeat with Fake Plastic Trees, end up feeling like yelling out the window, like being a princess in a castle, lost and pale, barbie perfect and like scratching my skin off with my nails ala Eustace.
I also spent most of Sunday on the couch reading Gaudy Night after inspiration from
minnow1212. My love affair with this book is lasting and deep. It formed so many of my ideas on scholarship and love, and shaped my vision of myself. Who I wanted to be. I longed to be lost in academe, searching and driven, and at the same time wanted to meet someone who personafied what Peter was to Harriet, a match, an equal, someone who loved her for what she was. I also wanted to be at Oxford, among stone parapets and ancient libraries, and formal dress disregarded. I wanted scholarship to infuse me, live in the porousness of bone. I tried to get that to happen, and that I didn't achieve it ultimately still stings and pricks.I understand things on a different level now, and am beyond glad that I do. How bitter obligation feels, and the dichotomy of women's choices because while they've changed and expanded, have transcended working definitions, they are still a different choice then men face, I think. Work or family and what gets sacrificed for both, but then, I don't think many of us embrace work as a defining role either, having grown out of that mindset with the necessity of income. It's difficult, isn't it. To define oneself in this day and age, to comfortable with a label and definition instead of rallying against it. Which I think has to be a good thing. So rereading this left me with so many of the same feelings, the same reactions and interactions and longings, and with a new distance and a new understanding and I'm so pleased that it stood up to memory, viscerally and intellectually.
I also understand the obligations and types of love so much better now. Haven't let go of what I wanted, but have played those other roles and again, am pleased to find that my instinct at 14 wasn't wrong.
Got my Remix Redux challenge and I think it's doable. Not easy, but doable. Checked the Sparky's for the second round, am blushingly and foolishly pleased to still be in the running, but had to laugh in certain cases. In one category, I'm up against
fialka, and really, there's just no competion. I'm gonna vote for her:) It's a better story, better writing. I just sort of gigglesnorted and moved on to find several more instances of similar match ups:) And it gave me a little vicarious thrill:)
no subject
Date: 2004-02-02 11:18 pm (UTC)Heh. I'm positively gobsmacked to have had anything survive to this round. Especially since I never got around to voting, so I know it was all of you folks! Oy.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-02 11:23 pm (UTC)