Blue Eyes- Chapter 17
Aug. 19th, 2003 06:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
itsallovernowThis one's gonna need serious time in the edit room. Be forewarned that there is much rambling and waaaaaaay too many POV shifts. (And it veers into the soap operaish in places) But I had to get through it in order to write Chapter 18!
Oh, and Ryan Adams Come Pick Me Up? Best breakup song ever.
Chapter 17
Swallowing the rest of her fellip nectar, her gaze solely on John, her mother waited for Crichton’s response. He stared at Aeryn with a weird mix of wonder and anger and shock.
“Jack died?” he said finally, obviously struggling to absorb Aeryn’s story.
“Yes,” she answered, “and the dreadnought was destroyed by John Crichton as far as the Scarran’s and the Charrids were concerned.” She pushed the bottle around on the table, making wet circles with the bleed off of condensation.
“And no one knew that the module had followed it into oblivion?” Aeryn glanced at D’Argo and shook her head.
They sat there in silence for a few microts until Anix couldn’t contain herself any longer.
“And then what?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” Her mother said, puzzled.
“What happened next?”
John unfurled his slow smile for her and nodded.
“We didn’t die, that’s what happened,” Aeryn said tersely.
“So Scorpius didn’t show up?” she persisted.
“No,” Aeryn replied thoughtfully. “We later found out that he was organizing a retrieval squad, and being tied down by internal politics, but news spread eventually that John Crichton had done something to the Scarrans, although to our knowledge, Scorpius never did anything to counter that intel. We’ve no idea what he actually told High Command about you when he failed to capture you on the Royal Planet, but as the wars were escalating, their interest in any of us diminished significantly.”
“Until, of course,” D’Argo added, “They started seeking us for other reasons.”
“Yes, I guess you could say that going with Jack was the first step towards being part of any sort of rebellion against those powers.”
“We heard rumors of John Crichton’s exploits in Peacekeeper territories cycles ago,” Teyvn said, leaning forward to rest on the table, “Right before I defected, after the command carrier was destroyed.”
John raised a questioning eyebrow at Aeryn, but Anix knew this story, had lived it in fact and her mother didn’t look inclined to continue the reminiscences.
“Later,” she said tiredly, and then added, “We encouraged rumors, early on, planted seeds that suggested John Crichton had been responsible for a variety of missions after I started working with the anti-terrorism squad and was away from Moya frequently. People respond to things that are larger than life, and an unknown alien who seemed to be everywhere at once and caused severe consternation among the universe’s warring powers was definitely larger than life.”
“Why did you stop?” John asked curiously.
Aeryn looked at her fellip nectar again, than at her daughter. Anix gazed back at her steadily, wondering the same thing. At the same time, she was hurt and a little angry that they’d been using this man’s reputation, yet had never talked to her about him.
“I left the anti-terrorism squad when I met some representatives of a large branch of the resistance, “ Aeryn said finally. She continued to watch Anix. “I was causing some havoc with the ex-Peacekeepers, but mostly we were simply assassins for hire. D’Argo and the others were probably doing more good running guns and supplies, and I wanted to do something more significant after Crais and Talyn and Zhaan died.”
Anix had known this about her mother. Aeryn had always been straightforward if not overly communicative about most of her past and the life they had led together, making it clear that while she was not exactly proud of her work as an assassin, she did not regret that choice. It had trained her to lead, to be steady and assured, to better protect them all, and she’d been unusual, coming and going somewhat at will. The squad knew she had more to lose than they did by a betrayal, and she remembered how Aeryn would change when she’d prepare to leave on a mission, how cold and fierce she’d become, until that last time, until Talyn had been captured. Apparently, though, John hadn’t known and he looked faintly ill.
“You were an assassin?” he asked, brow furrowed.
“I was a killer when you met me John,” she returned flatly and left it at that, left Anix to wonder what was going on between them as invisible currents stretched and pulled before her. Her mother’s lip was cut, and it had started to bleed again. She touched it lightly, rubbing the blood between her fingertips.
They’d all heard Aeryn’s narrative, but the emotional responses of the experience had been hidden under the recitation of events. John had flinched when Aeryn had mentioned killing Furlow, but they’d all remained silent until Aeryn was done. Now he looked at her, uncertain of what to say. He moistened his lips, but stayed silent.
Teyvn stretched and shifted his large frame. “So the Scarren in the basement. He knew that John Crichton was here?”
“Doubtful,” said D’Argo. “Most likely he recognized John when he came upon him and took him for questioning just in case.”
Aeryn agreed. “It’s unlikely that their Emperor or Council would share exactly what had happened with their underlings, but they would still be ordered to detain and question John if they happened upon him.”
“And Be’Ann?”
“Is not a spy for the Scarrans, or else there’d be more of them here. This was probably random reconnaissance. They sensed a hole, flew through the defenses and almost found a prize, which would ultimately have been useless to them,” she said, quirking her mouth at John. “Unless you know how to turn a wormhole into a weapon.”
He just twisted his mouth at that.
“Which means I’m right,” D’Argo said resignedly. “Be’Ann is spy, probably for the Peacekeepers.”
Aeryn nodded, her eyes filled with a strange compassion. “I’m sorry,” she said to Anix, who tightened her lips. “But yes, I think she’s a spy for the Peacekeepers.”
Anix stayed silent, aware that this was just as difficult for her mother as for her.
“So what does that mean?” John asked, weary and angry and confused. “You guys have a PK spy who’s sending messages to the big mucky mucks, who let in a Scarran who tried to fry my brain, and so now what? Where does that leave us?”
“Frelled,” said Aeryn, still looking at her daughter, who realized in that moment, the same moment she saw that flash of realization in her mother, that John didn’t mean them. He meant himself, this planet, his wife and potential child and Tyno and the Empress, and all the people on this planet, and Aeryn said more softly, “I don’t know, John. I really don’t know.”
Anix looked up at John, staring at Aeryn with this longing that she’d never seen on anyone’s face before, and she looked quickly to D’Argo who was watching them both with a deep, soulful empathy. “We need to warn the Empress,” he said.
Aeryn merely blinked, knowing it would be taken care of, and turned finally to John. “I need to question the spy,” she said, “And I need you to talk to the Empress. Tell her things are going to get much worse before they get better.”
She gestured to Teyvn and Anix. “You two need to either find something useful to do, or accompany John. But I expect you,” she pointed at Teyvn, “ to be with her, or know where she is at all times, from now on.”
He nodded shortly, and Anix knew better than to protest. John could easily tell them to butt out, but she had a feeling he needed the support in dealing with the Empress.
Aeryn got up, resting her fingertips lightly on the table and looked at the three of them, then shaking her head, she turned, followed by D’Argo and left.
John looked at them thoughtfully, weighing his options, and finally sighed. “You two may as well come with me if you want.” He narrowed his eyes at Anix. “You’re just as likely to sneak off to see what’s going on, and frankly, I’d rather have you watch me cower in front of the Empress than watch your mother interrogate someone.”
Teyvn was grinning slightly at that and thumped her on the back.
“Oh, shut up, Teyvn,” John said sourly. “Now that you’re on kid patrol, I guess we’re gonna be seeing a lot more of each other.”
Teyvn snorted, and Anix wondered how all of this had suddenly gotten out of her hands. Her mother had finally given her permission to be privy to information, to accompany John on an important task – if he allowed it – and all of a sudden it had become a joke between Crichton and Teyvn.
“What if I don’t want to go?” she asked, a little incredulous.
John shrugged, “ Suit yourself, kid. I really don’t care right now.”
That cut a little, and when John nodded to Teyvn and asked quietly, “She’s going to do some damage to that woman isn’t she?” and Teyvn just lifted his eyebrows in agreement, she understood that John very much cared what her mother was up to, and the awareness that something was going on between them that she still hadn’t been told about began to burn in her.
John got up and with a sweep of his arm, indicated that he’d follow them down the hallway to the Empress’ chambers.
***
They were almost at the interrogation room when D’Argo wrapped his large hand around Aeryn’s arm and stilled her progress.
“What are you doing?” he asked, suspicious and a little mournful.
She shrugged out of his grasp, but turned to look at him. “I thought I was going to interrogate a spy,” she responded coldly.
So damned stubborn, and now deliberately obtuse. Almost 20 cycles with this woman and it was a wonder he hadn’t tried to strangle her yet. “You know what I mean,” he said, low and rumbling, trying to intimidate her just a little. “Crichton.”
She shook her head, short and quick, dismissive. “I’m not doing anything with Crichton.”
That actually made D’Argo laugh. Those looks across the table, the fast glances away before the other person was caught staring, entering the room together, so close to each other that they were breathing in tandem, the open lips and gentle eyes. He’d seen it before.
“Aeryn, you need to stop this now,” he pleaded kindly, “If not for your sake or his, for Anix’s.” She glared at him, and even knowing he was about to cross lines that they’d held sacrosanct for cycles, he plunged ahead. “She has a crush on him, and that’s just bound to end badly.”
At that Aeryn rolled her eyes. “She doesn’t have a crush on him, it’s hero worship. He’s new to her, unusual, different than anyone she’s ever met. He makes her think, and smile, and lets her get away with murder.” She waved her hand in dismissal of the idea. “ She feels the same way about Teyvn.”
D’Argo looked at her steadily. “She doesn’t look at Teyvn like that, doesn’t think of him like that because she knows that her mother recreates with Teyvn.”
“D’Argo, this is none of your business!” she snapped, annoyed now at the intrusion into her personal life.
“The safety of these soldiers, hell my safety and your safety and the safety of the people on this planet are sure as hezmana my business!” he barked.
“And somehow, Anix having an adolescent crush on someone, or my spending time with him is a danger to these people?” she hissed, stepping closer to him, renegotiating the space with aggression.
She was angry now, battling him on his reasoning and D’Argo realized he’d hit on something she was already worried about and so he tried to de-escalate the situation, “Aeryn, I’m just afraid that he’s a distraction, and I’m afraid that when your daughter finds out about you two, does the math and realizes he could be her father, that she’ll be hurt. We’ve kept her in the dark about too many things, and she’s on the verge of rebelling against someone’s rules. I don’t want it to be on this planet.”
Aeryn opened her mouth to offer a scathing retort, and then sank into herself, looking at the floor, holding her forehead in her hand. D’Argo wanted to scoop her up like he used to do with Anix, cradle and rock her, and protect her, but he never had done that before, wouldn’t dare violate that trust. That she and John were falling into old patterns was obvious, but that didn’t mean the situation had changed.
“I know that she wants to be independent, wants to be an adult,” she whispered. “And I know how close I was to losing her yesterday.” She looked up at him, the anger gone, replaced with recognition. “John and I haven’t done anything,” she added. “But, yes, he is a distraction.” She smiled, small and bitter, biting her lip and causing the blood to well up again. “ A personal indulgence.”
D’Argo put his hand on her shoulder, stroking her arm gently. Family, duty, and love. Everything he valued wrapped up in these women, and in this part of their past. “Aeryn, we’ll be leaving soon. And there’s no reason for him to come with us. His duties are here.” She didn’t look at him, just looked to the side, accepting that as a possible truth.
“Just be careful,” he requested, but got no further response. He paused for a moment, unwilling to push further, but he’d already overstepped cycles worth of boundaries and figured the worse thing she could do was hit him for the next question. He’d never asked before, never indicated his curiosity, but now it was starting to seem more relevant.
“Is he her father, Aeryn?” D’Argo asked gently. She looked up then, that crystal hard PK expression firing her eyes, but she met only love and compassion.
“There are at least 10 men who could be her father,” she said finally, no flicker of emotion present in the words. “You know I was ship born, that the embryo could have been present for up to seven cycles, but I’d had a regulation full exam two cycles before being exiled and nothing was reported to me. So yes,” she emphasized, narrowing her eyes, baiting him just a little for his insolence in posing this question. “John could be her father. I have no proof that he isn’t, and no proof that he is.”
She emphasized proof, and left D’Argo to take from that what he would. “What matters is that she’s my child. And now that we’ve dissected my personal life, perhaps we can get on with the business of interrogating the prisoner?”
“Aeryn, I didn’t mean to pry, I really didn’t.”
She ignored him and strode into the cell, leaving him frustrated and still ignorant of her intentions. He’d never been able to second guess her, wouldn’t have even broached the subject if he hadn’t seen these same behaviors cycles ago, when they were all younger, lighter in mind and spirit. The two of them had always been convinced that their affections were a secret, both from each other and the rest of the crew, but it was impossible to keep those kinds of secrets when moments in their company could feel like violations of privacy, even when they were merely bickering or companionably repairing something.
D’argo just shrugged his massive shoulders and followed her, hoping he hadn’t provoked her into silence with his questions, but honestly, no one had ever had the courage to ask once the child was born and determined healthy. He speculated that Zhaan might have known, if it had proved necessary, but otherwise, Aeryn’s silence had been respected. If Anix was John Crichton’s child, that wasn’t knowledge that anyone wanted to carry.
***
The Empress was a deeply scary woman, Anix decided, as she and Teyvn crept closer and closer to the door. But her scathing words seemed to have little effect on John, who rested against the table’s edge and let her rant. “Are these people so incompetent that they let a Scarran breach our space?” she seethed out.
“No,” he said, dead pan, “They’re not incompetent, and they’ve caught their spy. But the risk that more Peacekeepers will be coming this way, or more Scarrans, is a real one. You have to make a decision about what you want to do. Aeryn and her people will take care of things as best they can. They’ve already rebuilt much of the roads and are restoring power and running water to the outer communities while you stay here and argue with the senators.”
The Empress glared at him. “ How dare you suggest that I don’t have the best interests of this planet at heart.” She said, sounding genuinely outraged. Tyno placed his hand on the Empress’ forearm, but she shook him off.
“Novia, I don’t think you’d do anything to harm this planet or it’s people, but I do think you’ve deliberately ignored the realities of the situation surrounding us, and I think the Senate has allowed that because they’re scared of you and they don’t want to admit that the lifestyle you all have grown accustomed to is ending.”
Anix watched him as he spoke, clear and knowledgeable about this subject, and it was abundantly clear to her that he really had stood watch over this government for sixteen cycles. He did know what he was talking about, and he sounded unbelievably sad about what was coming. She’d lived her life on the edge of conflicts, protected from them, but always aware, and she finally understood that all of this was costing him something.
“You know nothing,” she said, but the insult was perfunctory. “You aren’t from here, you’re not even Sebacean.”
He just looked back at her with that strange empathy. “You’re right, I’m not from here. Not from this galaxy or this universe. I’m not Sebacean and it’s unlikely that I’ll ever see another human again, let alone a member of my family. But I’m married to your daughter, she’s pregnant with my child, and I am the one who has to decide who survives. You blackmailed me, forced me to marry Katralla, and instead of running away with Aeryn, I stayed. I realized that if I left, Clavor could take over and the society could descend into chaos based on his miserable choices. So I stayed. I gave up everything I loved, including my chance to ever see my family again, and I stayed. And yes, I did it because the alternative seemed worse, but I still did it. I also have a vested interest in what happens to these people.”
His voice was clear, his words careful and sad and Anix desperately wished that she hadn’t witnessed this. It was like catching Chiana and D’Argo kissing in the hall, or seeing her mother with unexplained tears on her cheeks. Too much, too personal, and she tugged at Teyvn, urging him to follow her out. But instead he gripped her wrist and kept her in place. He wore a new respect for John Crichton on his face, one matched by the Empress’ expression.
“Then we will all meet again in the morning,” she said, finally, “and decide what must be done.” John nodded, and then stepped closer to her.
“The doctor,” he paused, “I told him I would give him a decision in the morning.”
Novia swallowed heavily. “She is your wife. The decision is yours,” she acquiesced, and then indicated that they should leave.
Teyvn and Anix quickly exited in the room, and when John caught up to them, Anix took one of his hands in hers. “Are you all right,” she asked, puzzled by his face.
He gently disentangled his hand, and laid it on her head, the warm weight a comfort and looked into her eyes, searching for something. Apparently he found it, because he quirked his mouth and said, “Just been a long day, kid.”
He looked over at Teyvn. “I need to hit the shower and crash.”
The commando nodded, and John suddenly pulled Anix to him in a tight embrace. She could smell sweat and the musk of his skin as she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him back tightly. “I’m glad you’re ok, kid.” He said, releasing her just as brusquely and heading to his quarters.
They watched him go until he turned the bend, and then Anix asked softly,“Everything he loved. Do you think he meant my mother?”
“Yeah,” Teyvn answered, just as quietly, “I do.”
***
Aeryn’s long slim fingers, encircled the girl’s throat, but there were no tell tale signs of rage, just the line of tension in her back that indicated the level of pressure she was placing on the delicate windpipe.
D’Argo stood back, watching the procedure. Sweat ran down Be’Ann’s face, mingling with snot and tears, but Aeryn remained unmoved.
“Why did you betray us?” she asked calmly, voice like spun silk. Be’Ann couldn’t speak, but tried to appeal to D’Argo through the terror in her eyes.
“You should have talked to me, Be’Ann,” he said sadly. “ I did warn you.”
“I know you’re guilty,” Aeryn said, “I just want to know the extent of the damage you’ve done.” She pressed harder and the girl’s face grew an alarming shade of red. This was a miserable experience for all of them, but it had to be done.
Aeryn let off on the pressure a little. “I’m not a Peacekeeper anymore. I get no pleasure from torturing you, but neither am I held by the constraints of a military hierarchy. I will break you to give me the information. You risked the life of my child by your betrayal, and for that I will kill you. But I can make it painless, or I can make you suffer.”
Be’Ann shook her head, sniffling against the tears, and Aeryn slammed her boot into the girl’s knee. Everyone in the room heard the crack of bone and joint. The girl screamed, and pleaded for mercy.
“Kill her Aeryn,” D’Argo said, his brow furrowed. “End this.”
“I have to know,” she said softly, her face so pale it was almost translucent. “This isn’t a betrayal in battle, risking soldiers and troops. She put all of these innocents at risk. She was a trusted ally. We rescued her from the same kind of devastation of a peaceful colony.”
“Yes,” said a small voice behind her. “You rescued me, but you can’t protect me.” Be’Ann blinked against the sweat and tears in her eyes, trying to breath against the pain. “We tried to resist and they destroyed our home, but you think this little rebellion can change things. Only the Peacekeepers can protect us against the Scarrans. We should have known that.”
Aeryn narrowed her eyes, and D’Argo stood close behind her watching the girl. Be’Ann choked a little, coughed on the mucus in her throat. “Scorpius is building a weapon that will protect everyone from the Scarrans,” she whimpered, “And you fight against the Peacekeepers like you’re not even a Sebacean.”
“Is that what you did?” Aeryn asked. D’Argo held onto her shoulder, his own rage racing through him, feeling her anger and tension radiate into him, holding her back. “You contacted Scorpius?”
“You stupid child,” he growled.
Be’Ann tried to smile. “That’s all you’re getting, traitor,” she said thickly. A
eryn nodded and reached down to her pulse pistol. She aimed carefully, and as Be’Ann’s eyes opened wide she fired into her chest. One clean shot, and it was over. She holstered her pistol and then turned to D’Argo and started to shake. He released the breath he’d been holding and pulled her to him. After a few microts, she moved back.
“I need to tell John,” she said. He nodded and stroked her cheek.
***
His hair was damp, the back of his neck pale and exposed as he rested his chin on his clasped hands, pressing them down into his knees and watching the slumbering princess. She had a faint distant memory of a story he’d told her long ago, but she shook it away, watching him. His shoulders were slumped in exhaustion and defeat, and she was fairly certain, not a little physical pain.
D’Argo’s words looped through her head, an endless repetition of admonitions, interference and common sense, bouncing off the images of Be’Ann’s mad smile as she berated them and then died. Aeryn was a soldier, she was not supposed to form attachments. That was the rule she’d been taught unequivocally. And despite all the changes in her life, she’d tried to sustain her allegiance to it. Well, except for her daughter, and her friends, and her crew. She fought back the urge to grin acidly at the bizarre irony.
Some of the rules the Peacekeepers had enforced made logical sense, like not becoming dependent on others because the loss of them could break you as easily as a pulse blast. Those same attachments though, she’d learned, could sustain you, give you a reason to keep going. But those attachments, for the most part, had occurred without her consent. Except for Anix, she thought. Her child, her choice. And her responsibility to protect her from harm, which she’d done since she knew of the possibility of a child.
The medtech on Scorpius command carrier had informed her that she was pregnant while treating her injuries from the Aurora chair. He’d run tests to determine information on the paternity and genetic purity of the embryo and when he’d returned to the chamber, she’d summoned the last of her strength and snapped his neck, destroying the results of the test without looking at them. She would do what was necessary, to protect her daughter, to protect the innocents of this planet and of this universe as long as she could in order to make some restitution for her past.
However, throwing caution to the winds to recreate with John Crichton did not fit into any of those categories. It was not a logical, soldierly thing to do. It wasn't going to help protect or save anyone, and it was taunting the fates that had separated them in the first place. It had been 16 cycles, she thought. It had to be the memories that were drawing her to him, not the man himself, she desperately tried to convince herself, ignoring the most recent memory of the feel of his skin under her hands that morning, of his kiss, bloody and bruising and sweet. She should find Teyvn, frell his brains out and use the calm of sexual release to steer her back into a logical mind frame. But she she didn’t want Teyvn. She wanted the man sitting in front of his wife, balancing her fate in his hands.
She wanted him to help her erase the images of the young woman she’d just killed, erase the tight cramp of fear in the pit of her stomach that said Scorpius really was on his way. She needed to tell him this, but his posture bespoke so much weight and sorrow that she could barely stand to lay that burden on him right now, so she quietly crossed the room and placed her hand on his shoulder. She battled her desire, wanting to give him time before she made his life worse. He reached up, wrapping his fingers around her hand, bringing it to his cheek. He turned slightly, brushing his lips over her knuckles, then tilted his head, looking up at her. He must have seen something on her face, because he whispered, “What is it, Aeryn? Baby, what’s wrong?”
She tried to shake her head, but he tugged on her hand, and then stood up. He was barefoot she realized, practically eye level with her. He was clean and warm, eyes filled with sadness and something else that was just for her. He put his hand on her neck, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone, drawing her closer and trying to coax her open. Their breath mingled, and she could feel the pulse in her throat beat against her skin. They were standing in front of his wife. She'd just killed a woman and Scorpius could be bearing down on them at any moment, and somehow none of that was as important as pulse and breath and scent. Personal indulgences, indeed. She whispered, “Later,” right before their lips met.
Oh, and Ryan Adams Come Pick Me Up? Best breakup song ever.
Chapter 17
Swallowing the rest of her fellip nectar, her gaze solely on John, her mother waited for Crichton’s response. He stared at Aeryn with a weird mix of wonder and anger and shock.
“Jack died?” he said finally, obviously struggling to absorb Aeryn’s story.
“Yes,” she answered, “and the dreadnought was destroyed by John Crichton as far as the Scarran’s and the Charrids were concerned.” She pushed the bottle around on the table, making wet circles with the bleed off of condensation.
“And no one knew that the module had followed it into oblivion?” Aeryn glanced at D’Argo and shook her head.
They sat there in silence for a few microts until Anix couldn’t contain herself any longer.
“And then what?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” Her mother said, puzzled.
“What happened next?”
John unfurled his slow smile for her and nodded.
“We didn’t die, that’s what happened,” Aeryn said tersely.
“So Scorpius didn’t show up?” she persisted.
“No,” Aeryn replied thoughtfully. “We later found out that he was organizing a retrieval squad, and being tied down by internal politics, but news spread eventually that John Crichton had done something to the Scarrans, although to our knowledge, Scorpius never did anything to counter that intel. We’ve no idea what he actually told High Command about you when he failed to capture you on the Royal Planet, but as the wars were escalating, their interest in any of us diminished significantly.”
“Until, of course,” D’Argo added, “They started seeking us for other reasons.”
“Yes, I guess you could say that going with Jack was the first step towards being part of any sort of rebellion against those powers.”
“We heard rumors of John Crichton’s exploits in Peacekeeper territories cycles ago,” Teyvn said, leaning forward to rest on the table, “Right before I defected, after the command carrier was destroyed.”
John raised a questioning eyebrow at Aeryn, but Anix knew this story, had lived it in fact and her mother didn’t look inclined to continue the reminiscences.
“Later,” she said tiredly, and then added, “We encouraged rumors, early on, planted seeds that suggested John Crichton had been responsible for a variety of missions after I started working with the anti-terrorism squad and was away from Moya frequently. People respond to things that are larger than life, and an unknown alien who seemed to be everywhere at once and caused severe consternation among the universe’s warring powers was definitely larger than life.”
“Why did you stop?” John asked curiously.
Aeryn looked at her fellip nectar again, than at her daughter. Anix gazed back at her steadily, wondering the same thing. At the same time, she was hurt and a little angry that they’d been using this man’s reputation, yet had never talked to her about him.
“I left the anti-terrorism squad when I met some representatives of a large branch of the resistance, “ Aeryn said finally. She continued to watch Anix. “I was causing some havoc with the ex-Peacekeepers, but mostly we were simply assassins for hire. D’Argo and the others were probably doing more good running guns and supplies, and I wanted to do something more significant after Crais and Talyn and Zhaan died.”
Anix had known this about her mother. Aeryn had always been straightforward if not overly communicative about most of her past and the life they had led together, making it clear that while she was not exactly proud of her work as an assassin, she did not regret that choice. It had trained her to lead, to be steady and assured, to better protect them all, and she’d been unusual, coming and going somewhat at will. The squad knew she had more to lose than they did by a betrayal, and she remembered how Aeryn would change when she’d prepare to leave on a mission, how cold and fierce she’d become, until that last time, until Talyn had been captured. Apparently, though, John hadn’t known and he looked faintly ill.
“You were an assassin?” he asked, brow furrowed.
“I was a killer when you met me John,” she returned flatly and left it at that, left Anix to wonder what was going on between them as invisible currents stretched and pulled before her. Her mother’s lip was cut, and it had started to bleed again. She touched it lightly, rubbing the blood between her fingertips.
They’d all heard Aeryn’s narrative, but the emotional responses of the experience had been hidden under the recitation of events. John had flinched when Aeryn had mentioned killing Furlow, but they’d all remained silent until Aeryn was done. Now he looked at her, uncertain of what to say. He moistened his lips, but stayed silent.
Teyvn stretched and shifted his large frame. “So the Scarren in the basement. He knew that John Crichton was here?”
“Doubtful,” said D’Argo. “Most likely he recognized John when he came upon him and took him for questioning just in case.”
Aeryn agreed. “It’s unlikely that their Emperor or Council would share exactly what had happened with their underlings, but they would still be ordered to detain and question John if they happened upon him.”
“And Be’Ann?”
“Is not a spy for the Scarrans, or else there’d be more of them here. This was probably random reconnaissance. They sensed a hole, flew through the defenses and almost found a prize, which would ultimately have been useless to them,” she said, quirking her mouth at John. “Unless you know how to turn a wormhole into a weapon.”
He just twisted his mouth at that.
“Which means I’m right,” D’Argo said resignedly. “Be’Ann is spy, probably for the Peacekeepers.”
Aeryn nodded, her eyes filled with a strange compassion. “I’m sorry,” she said to Anix, who tightened her lips. “But yes, I think she’s a spy for the Peacekeepers.”
Anix stayed silent, aware that this was just as difficult for her mother as for her.
“So what does that mean?” John asked, weary and angry and confused. “You guys have a PK spy who’s sending messages to the big mucky mucks, who let in a Scarran who tried to fry my brain, and so now what? Where does that leave us?”
“Frelled,” said Aeryn, still looking at her daughter, who realized in that moment, the same moment she saw that flash of realization in her mother, that John didn’t mean them. He meant himself, this planet, his wife and potential child and Tyno and the Empress, and all the people on this planet, and Aeryn said more softly, “I don’t know, John. I really don’t know.”
Anix looked up at John, staring at Aeryn with this longing that she’d never seen on anyone’s face before, and she looked quickly to D’Argo who was watching them both with a deep, soulful empathy. “We need to warn the Empress,” he said.
Aeryn merely blinked, knowing it would be taken care of, and turned finally to John. “I need to question the spy,” she said, “And I need you to talk to the Empress. Tell her things are going to get much worse before they get better.”
She gestured to Teyvn and Anix. “You two need to either find something useful to do, or accompany John. But I expect you,” she pointed at Teyvn, “ to be with her, or know where she is at all times, from now on.”
He nodded shortly, and Anix knew better than to protest. John could easily tell them to butt out, but she had a feeling he needed the support in dealing with the Empress.
Aeryn got up, resting her fingertips lightly on the table and looked at the three of them, then shaking her head, she turned, followed by D’Argo and left.
John looked at them thoughtfully, weighing his options, and finally sighed. “You two may as well come with me if you want.” He narrowed his eyes at Anix. “You’re just as likely to sneak off to see what’s going on, and frankly, I’d rather have you watch me cower in front of the Empress than watch your mother interrogate someone.”
Teyvn was grinning slightly at that and thumped her on the back.
“Oh, shut up, Teyvn,” John said sourly. “Now that you’re on kid patrol, I guess we’re gonna be seeing a lot more of each other.”
Teyvn snorted, and Anix wondered how all of this had suddenly gotten out of her hands. Her mother had finally given her permission to be privy to information, to accompany John on an important task – if he allowed it – and all of a sudden it had become a joke between Crichton and Teyvn.
“What if I don’t want to go?” she asked, a little incredulous.
John shrugged, “ Suit yourself, kid. I really don’t care right now.”
That cut a little, and when John nodded to Teyvn and asked quietly, “She’s going to do some damage to that woman isn’t she?” and Teyvn just lifted his eyebrows in agreement, she understood that John very much cared what her mother was up to, and the awareness that something was going on between them that she still hadn’t been told about began to burn in her.
John got up and with a sweep of his arm, indicated that he’d follow them down the hallway to the Empress’ chambers.
***
They were almost at the interrogation room when D’Argo wrapped his large hand around Aeryn’s arm and stilled her progress.
“What are you doing?” he asked, suspicious and a little mournful.
She shrugged out of his grasp, but turned to look at him. “I thought I was going to interrogate a spy,” she responded coldly.
So damned stubborn, and now deliberately obtuse. Almost 20 cycles with this woman and it was a wonder he hadn’t tried to strangle her yet. “You know what I mean,” he said, low and rumbling, trying to intimidate her just a little. “Crichton.”
She shook her head, short and quick, dismissive. “I’m not doing anything with Crichton.”
That actually made D’Argo laugh. Those looks across the table, the fast glances away before the other person was caught staring, entering the room together, so close to each other that they were breathing in tandem, the open lips and gentle eyes. He’d seen it before.
“Aeryn, you need to stop this now,” he pleaded kindly, “If not for your sake or his, for Anix’s.” She glared at him, and even knowing he was about to cross lines that they’d held sacrosanct for cycles, he plunged ahead. “She has a crush on him, and that’s just bound to end badly.”
At that Aeryn rolled her eyes. “She doesn’t have a crush on him, it’s hero worship. He’s new to her, unusual, different than anyone she’s ever met. He makes her think, and smile, and lets her get away with murder.” She waved her hand in dismissal of the idea. “ She feels the same way about Teyvn.”
D’Argo looked at her steadily. “She doesn’t look at Teyvn like that, doesn’t think of him like that because she knows that her mother recreates with Teyvn.”
“D’Argo, this is none of your business!” she snapped, annoyed now at the intrusion into her personal life.
“The safety of these soldiers, hell my safety and your safety and the safety of the people on this planet are sure as hezmana my business!” he barked.
“And somehow, Anix having an adolescent crush on someone, or my spending time with him is a danger to these people?” she hissed, stepping closer to him, renegotiating the space with aggression.
She was angry now, battling him on his reasoning and D’Argo realized he’d hit on something she was already worried about and so he tried to de-escalate the situation, “Aeryn, I’m just afraid that he’s a distraction, and I’m afraid that when your daughter finds out about you two, does the math and realizes he could be her father, that she’ll be hurt. We’ve kept her in the dark about too many things, and she’s on the verge of rebelling against someone’s rules. I don’t want it to be on this planet.”
Aeryn opened her mouth to offer a scathing retort, and then sank into herself, looking at the floor, holding her forehead in her hand. D’Argo wanted to scoop her up like he used to do with Anix, cradle and rock her, and protect her, but he never had done that before, wouldn’t dare violate that trust. That she and John were falling into old patterns was obvious, but that didn’t mean the situation had changed.
“I know that she wants to be independent, wants to be an adult,” she whispered. “And I know how close I was to losing her yesterday.” She looked up at him, the anger gone, replaced with recognition. “John and I haven’t done anything,” she added. “But, yes, he is a distraction.” She smiled, small and bitter, biting her lip and causing the blood to well up again. “ A personal indulgence.”
D’Argo put his hand on her shoulder, stroking her arm gently. Family, duty, and love. Everything he valued wrapped up in these women, and in this part of their past. “Aeryn, we’ll be leaving soon. And there’s no reason for him to come with us. His duties are here.” She didn’t look at him, just looked to the side, accepting that as a possible truth.
“Just be careful,” he requested, but got no further response. He paused for a moment, unwilling to push further, but he’d already overstepped cycles worth of boundaries and figured the worse thing she could do was hit him for the next question. He’d never asked before, never indicated his curiosity, but now it was starting to seem more relevant.
“Is he her father, Aeryn?” D’Argo asked gently. She looked up then, that crystal hard PK expression firing her eyes, but she met only love and compassion.
“There are at least 10 men who could be her father,” she said finally, no flicker of emotion present in the words. “You know I was ship born, that the embryo could have been present for up to seven cycles, but I’d had a regulation full exam two cycles before being exiled and nothing was reported to me. So yes,” she emphasized, narrowing her eyes, baiting him just a little for his insolence in posing this question. “John could be her father. I have no proof that he isn’t, and no proof that he is.”
She emphasized proof, and left D’Argo to take from that what he would. “What matters is that she’s my child. And now that we’ve dissected my personal life, perhaps we can get on with the business of interrogating the prisoner?”
“Aeryn, I didn’t mean to pry, I really didn’t.”
She ignored him and strode into the cell, leaving him frustrated and still ignorant of her intentions. He’d never been able to second guess her, wouldn’t have even broached the subject if he hadn’t seen these same behaviors cycles ago, when they were all younger, lighter in mind and spirit. The two of them had always been convinced that their affections were a secret, both from each other and the rest of the crew, but it was impossible to keep those kinds of secrets when moments in their company could feel like violations of privacy, even when they were merely bickering or companionably repairing something.
D’argo just shrugged his massive shoulders and followed her, hoping he hadn’t provoked her into silence with his questions, but honestly, no one had ever had the courage to ask once the child was born and determined healthy. He speculated that Zhaan might have known, if it had proved necessary, but otherwise, Aeryn’s silence had been respected. If Anix was John Crichton’s child, that wasn’t knowledge that anyone wanted to carry.
***
The Empress was a deeply scary woman, Anix decided, as she and Teyvn crept closer and closer to the door. But her scathing words seemed to have little effect on John, who rested against the table’s edge and let her rant. “Are these people so incompetent that they let a Scarran breach our space?” she seethed out.
“No,” he said, dead pan, “They’re not incompetent, and they’ve caught their spy. But the risk that more Peacekeepers will be coming this way, or more Scarrans, is a real one. You have to make a decision about what you want to do. Aeryn and her people will take care of things as best they can. They’ve already rebuilt much of the roads and are restoring power and running water to the outer communities while you stay here and argue with the senators.”
The Empress glared at him. “ How dare you suggest that I don’t have the best interests of this planet at heart.” She said, sounding genuinely outraged. Tyno placed his hand on the Empress’ forearm, but she shook him off.
“Novia, I don’t think you’d do anything to harm this planet or it’s people, but I do think you’ve deliberately ignored the realities of the situation surrounding us, and I think the Senate has allowed that because they’re scared of you and they don’t want to admit that the lifestyle you all have grown accustomed to is ending.”
Anix watched him as he spoke, clear and knowledgeable about this subject, and it was abundantly clear to her that he really had stood watch over this government for sixteen cycles. He did know what he was talking about, and he sounded unbelievably sad about what was coming. She’d lived her life on the edge of conflicts, protected from them, but always aware, and she finally understood that all of this was costing him something.
“You know nothing,” she said, but the insult was perfunctory. “You aren’t from here, you’re not even Sebacean.”
He just looked back at her with that strange empathy. “You’re right, I’m not from here. Not from this galaxy or this universe. I’m not Sebacean and it’s unlikely that I’ll ever see another human again, let alone a member of my family. But I’m married to your daughter, she’s pregnant with my child, and I am the one who has to decide who survives. You blackmailed me, forced me to marry Katralla, and instead of running away with Aeryn, I stayed. I realized that if I left, Clavor could take over and the society could descend into chaos based on his miserable choices. So I stayed. I gave up everything I loved, including my chance to ever see my family again, and I stayed. And yes, I did it because the alternative seemed worse, but I still did it. I also have a vested interest in what happens to these people.”
His voice was clear, his words careful and sad and Anix desperately wished that she hadn’t witnessed this. It was like catching Chiana and D’Argo kissing in the hall, or seeing her mother with unexplained tears on her cheeks. Too much, too personal, and she tugged at Teyvn, urging him to follow her out. But instead he gripped her wrist and kept her in place. He wore a new respect for John Crichton on his face, one matched by the Empress’ expression.
“Then we will all meet again in the morning,” she said, finally, “and decide what must be done.” John nodded, and then stepped closer to her.
“The doctor,” he paused, “I told him I would give him a decision in the morning.”
Novia swallowed heavily. “She is your wife. The decision is yours,” she acquiesced, and then indicated that they should leave.
Teyvn and Anix quickly exited in the room, and when John caught up to them, Anix took one of his hands in hers. “Are you all right,” she asked, puzzled by his face.
He gently disentangled his hand, and laid it on her head, the warm weight a comfort and looked into her eyes, searching for something. Apparently he found it, because he quirked his mouth and said, “Just been a long day, kid.”
He looked over at Teyvn. “I need to hit the shower and crash.”
The commando nodded, and John suddenly pulled Anix to him in a tight embrace. She could smell sweat and the musk of his skin as she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him back tightly. “I’m glad you’re ok, kid.” He said, releasing her just as brusquely and heading to his quarters.
They watched him go until he turned the bend, and then Anix asked softly,“Everything he loved. Do you think he meant my mother?”
“Yeah,” Teyvn answered, just as quietly, “I do.”
***
Aeryn’s long slim fingers, encircled the girl’s throat, but there were no tell tale signs of rage, just the line of tension in her back that indicated the level of pressure she was placing on the delicate windpipe.
D’Argo stood back, watching the procedure. Sweat ran down Be’Ann’s face, mingling with snot and tears, but Aeryn remained unmoved.
“Why did you betray us?” she asked calmly, voice like spun silk. Be’Ann couldn’t speak, but tried to appeal to D’Argo through the terror in her eyes.
“You should have talked to me, Be’Ann,” he said sadly. “ I did warn you.”
“I know you’re guilty,” Aeryn said, “I just want to know the extent of the damage you’ve done.” She pressed harder and the girl’s face grew an alarming shade of red. This was a miserable experience for all of them, but it had to be done.
Aeryn let off on the pressure a little. “I’m not a Peacekeeper anymore. I get no pleasure from torturing you, but neither am I held by the constraints of a military hierarchy. I will break you to give me the information. You risked the life of my child by your betrayal, and for that I will kill you. But I can make it painless, or I can make you suffer.”
Be’Ann shook her head, sniffling against the tears, and Aeryn slammed her boot into the girl’s knee. Everyone in the room heard the crack of bone and joint. The girl screamed, and pleaded for mercy.
“Kill her Aeryn,” D’Argo said, his brow furrowed. “End this.”
“I have to know,” she said softly, her face so pale it was almost translucent. “This isn’t a betrayal in battle, risking soldiers and troops. She put all of these innocents at risk. She was a trusted ally. We rescued her from the same kind of devastation of a peaceful colony.”
“Yes,” said a small voice behind her. “You rescued me, but you can’t protect me.” Be’Ann blinked against the sweat and tears in her eyes, trying to breath against the pain. “We tried to resist and they destroyed our home, but you think this little rebellion can change things. Only the Peacekeepers can protect us against the Scarrans. We should have known that.”
Aeryn narrowed her eyes, and D’Argo stood close behind her watching the girl. Be’Ann choked a little, coughed on the mucus in her throat. “Scorpius is building a weapon that will protect everyone from the Scarrans,” she whimpered, “And you fight against the Peacekeepers like you’re not even a Sebacean.”
“Is that what you did?” Aeryn asked. D’Argo held onto her shoulder, his own rage racing through him, feeling her anger and tension radiate into him, holding her back. “You contacted Scorpius?”
“You stupid child,” he growled.
Be’Ann tried to smile. “That’s all you’re getting, traitor,” she said thickly. A
eryn nodded and reached down to her pulse pistol. She aimed carefully, and as Be’Ann’s eyes opened wide she fired into her chest. One clean shot, and it was over. She holstered her pistol and then turned to D’Argo and started to shake. He released the breath he’d been holding and pulled her to him. After a few microts, she moved back.
“I need to tell John,” she said. He nodded and stroked her cheek.
***
His hair was damp, the back of his neck pale and exposed as he rested his chin on his clasped hands, pressing them down into his knees and watching the slumbering princess. She had a faint distant memory of a story he’d told her long ago, but she shook it away, watching him. His shoulders were slumped in exhaustion and defeat, and she was fairly certain, not a little physical pain.
D’Argo’s words looped through her head, an endless repetition of admonitions, interference and common sense, bouncing off the images of Be’Ann’s mad smile as she berated them and then died. Aeryn was a soldier, she was not supposed to form attachments. That was the rule she’d been taught unequivocally. And despite all the changes in her life, she’d tried to sustain her allegiance to it. Well, except for her daughter, and her friends, and her crew. She fought back the urge to grin acidly at the bizarre irony.
Some of the rules the Peacekeepers had enforced made logical sense, like not becoming dependent on others because the loss of them could break you as easily as a pulse blast. Those same attachments though, she’d learned, could sustain you, give you a reason to keep going. But those attachments, for the most part, had occurred without her consent. Except for Anix, she thought. Her child, her choice. And her responsibility to protect her from harm, which she’d done since she knew of the possibility of a child.
The medtech on Scorpius command carrier had informed her that she was pregnant while treating her injuries from the Aurora chair. He’d run tests to determine information on the paternity and genetic purity of the embryo and when he’d returned to the chamber, she’d summoned the last of her strength and snapped his neck, destroying the results of the test without looking at them. She would do what was necessary, to protect her daughter, to protect the innocents of this planet and of this universe as long as she could in order to make some restitution for her past.
However, throwing caution to the winds to recreate with John Crichton did not fit into any of those categories. It was not a logical, soldierly thing to do. It wasn't going to help protect or save anyone, and it was taunting the fates that had separated them in the first place. It had been 16 cycles, she thought. It had to be the memories that were drawing her to him, not the man himself, she desperately tried to convince herself, ignoring the most recent memory of the feel of his skin under her hands that morning, of his kiss, bloody and bruising and sweet. She should find Teyvn, frell his brains out and use the calm of sexual release to steer her back into a logical mind frame. But she she didn’t want Teyvn. She wanted the man sitting in front of his wife, balancing her fate in his hands.
She wanted him to help her erase the images of the young woman she’d just killed, erase the tight cramp of fear in the pit of her stomach that said Scorpius really was on his way. She needed to tell him this, but his posture bespoke so much weight and sorrow that she could barely stand to lay that burden on him right now, so she quietly crossed the room and placed her hand on his shoulder. She battled her desire, wanting to give him time before she made his life worse. He reached up, wrapping his fingers around her hand, bringing it to his cheek. He turned slightly, brushing his lips over her knuckles, then tilted his head, looking up at her. He must have seen something on her face, because he whispered, “What is it, Aeryn? Baby, what’s wrong?”
She tried to shake her head, but he tugged on her hand, and then stood up. He was barefoot she realized, practically eye level with her. He was clean and warm, eyes filled with sadness and something else that was just for her. He put his hand on her neck, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone, drawing her closer and trying to coax her open. Their breath mingled, and she could feel the pulse in her throat beat against her skin. They were standing in front of his wife. She'd just killed a woman and Scorpius could be bearing down on them at any moment, and somehow none of that was as important as pulse and breath and scent. Personal indulgences, indeed. She whispered, “Later,” right before their lips met.
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no subject
Date: 2003-08-19 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-20 10:55 am (UTC)I needed to put some seeds in, have some things happen, and end it where it ends, but getting there was a bitch. I'm happiest with the last scene and with the scene where Aeryn kills Be'Ann, but those still need plenty of work, which obviously is what the editing room is for:)
no subject
Date: 2003-08-19 08:23 pm (UTC)And I have a question - in the last chapter you mentioned that Aeryn had asked Jack how he'd managed to find them without John being there, and he answered "DNA". Now I assumed (there's that word, duh!) that you meant Anix, that that proved that she was John's daughter. But this chapter states that Aeryn doesn't know for sure. So does that mean that Aeryn still had some of John's stuff when Jack found her, and that's the DNA he's referring to?
I'm loving where this is going, of course I'm still reading!
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Date: 2003-08-20 10:51 am (UTC)And as for your question, do you really want an answer:) (I'm just gonna say that it pays to keep an eye on the details).
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Date: 2003-08-19 09:53 pm (UTC)I like all the rambling :-) I'm like scapersuse, I'd be a lousy beta. I just read right through and muttered "damn, don't stop now." at where you ended this chapter *g*
I'm looking forward to reading the next installment.
no subject
Date: 2003-08-20 10:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-20 12:41 pm (UTC)This is lovely and wonderful and painful and amazing. I ache for Aeryn and her pain. I think the thing that I really liked about this chapter is that for the first time you get to see the John Crichton who, although was frozen as a statue for 16 cycles, did learn and change and grow. This is not the John from LATP. This is a man who really understands and I think that Anix being the one who sees it first is a nice touch.
Good work you. Now more!
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Date: 2003-08-20 12:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-20 01:00 pm (UTC)Not to say you're right or wrong, however:)
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Date: 2003-08-20 12:59 pm (UTC)And I think my favorite errors are the random commas that appear:) (Believe it or not, I do do some minor editing before I post, but I just never catch everything). They just jump into the text and I re-read it after posting and am just baffled as to how they got there! Oh, and the fact that when I tried to find and replace dreadnaught and dreadnought on my LJ client, it just ended up typing the word over and over again:) There's a reason editors get paid the big bucks:)
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Date: 2003-08-20 09:15 pm (UTC)Excellent chapter. So, are we now about to reach the bit I've been poking you about since Chapter three?
no subject
Date: 2003-08-21 09:57 am (UTC)