Meme and Complicitness

[itsallovernow]

First, I loved the answers to the "be something for a day" question!

Yesterday was a whirlwind of activity:

- Breakfast date (boy from the internet. 1.5 stars. Nice, sweet, bought breakfast. Not my type at all. He went to mass before breakfast for Palm Sunday, was in the Navy. Works in IT. Not compatible, nice nonetheless.)

- Worked (client), worked some more (student), worked again (book editing with 83 year old).

- Went to local production of "The Sound of Music". Did not know until I got there that it was an all children cast (5-12 year olds). Demanded much booze of the person who brought me.

- Ate oysters as reward for all children musical.

- Met up with T. to gather data points on his ex-girlfriend so he can decide if he wants to date her again. T does this sort of thing with alarming regularity. But he bought the drinks.

-Collapsed into bed at 1:30 a.m.



This has been a weekend of acknowledging my own complicity in my unhappiness. I realized two things:

One, I am unhappy about the no longer dating boy, and not contacting him only sounds less complicit than answering when he e-mails. It's the same. It's making me sad, and I'm buying into it because I like him and don't want to not hear from him. It's not... helping though. I need to stop. He is continuing because I don't tell him to stop, because I give him tacit permission. Therefore, I am complicit. But it will hurt, and it will mean giving up the illusions/hopes I have pretended I don't have, so it will also be embarrassing. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be done.

Two, I am complicit in M's growing alcoholism because I have not said, "You have a problem. This will only end a few ways, and none of them are good." The argument that M. is not my responsibility is a false construct. There isn't anyone else to say this to him, and his behavior is escalating (two instances of losing his car, one of which also involved losing his jacket and keys and sleeping in a pile of leaves in our front yard for four hours because he couldn't get into the house and I didn't have my phone in my room and didn't hear him knock.)

Neither conversation is one I want to have. One makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed and sad. The other makes me nervous, and equally sad.

I feel that both mean some sort of surgical removal of men that I love in various ways. I kind of hate that, but one is better for me, and the other is better for both M. and I. Most days, I hate being a grown up.

So, meme:

First seen on voleuse's lj:

Three things _____ did after the world ended by _____.

e.g. Three things Olive Snook did after the world ended by nuclear attack.
e.g. Three things Sam Winchester did after the world ended by clowns.

Fandoms I'm willing to write in:

Farscape
SG-1
Slings and Arrows
Pushing Daisies
Dead Like Me
Firefly
West Wing
X-Files
TSCC (but I haven't seen the finale!!)
Buffy/Angel

Movies that you know I've seen (Aliens universe, Hitchcock oeuvre, most anything from the 1940s, etc)

Fandom of your choice but I make no promises of accuracy. I might enjoy it though, fannish osmosis being what it is.

Comments

[cofax7]

Three things Donna Moss did after the world ended by too many butterflies.

Or:

Three things James Ellison did after the world ended by robot attack.

[raithen.livejournal.com]

{{hugs}} sweetie. I am sorry it's so hard -- but I really do think you are on the right track with 1 & 2, both.

and for the meme:

Three things Giles did after the world ended by computers run amok.

[hossgal.livejournal.com]

Three things Jayne did after the world ended by mistake.

Or

Three things Rygel did after the world ended by decree.

or

Three things Toby did after the world ended by global cooling.

- hg

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

Me love you long time!


(yeah, I don't know either. I blame it on the cold meds I've been mainlining for a week now)

Three things Sarah Connor did after the world ended by not ending at all.


or

Three things Ellen Ripley did after the world ended by alien uprising.

[fourteenlines.livejournal.com]

First, I'm really sorry about the situation with both boys.

Second, you should totally write the one with Olive Snook and the nuclear attack! It's fabulous! Writ that one!

hee

[voleuse.livejournal.com]

Three things Vala Mal Doran did after the world ended by collective bargaining.

or

Three things Darren Nichols did after the world ended by song.

[cofax7]

Oh, and I feel like a schmuck because I didn't read the rest of your post, particularly about M.

I... god. Has he no support network? I mean, wow. Alcohol fucks you up if he can sleep in the yard and not see that as a symptom of something massively wrong.

I still think you need to move out.

I know you feel some responsibility for M, but do you have the emotional energy to call together any of his friends and say, "Dude. You're fucked up. Get help, because we're not going to help you anymore."? Because that's what it's going to take. (And yeah, I'm speaking from experience.)

Does he want to end up on the street? Is he alienating his other friends? I never thought this kind of behavior was attractive, but it's less attractive in anyone over thirty, and he's hitting the point where the body just doesn't recover from that kind of abuse. But you know this. Does he?

{{many hugs}}

[thassalia.livejournal.com]

No support network, no. Because that's what happens when you lose what judgment you had.

If I don't say it, no one else can/will. It doesn't please me, but it's true.

Hugs you back. Thank you.

[cofax7]

He has no friends or employers? Have any of his coworkers noticed his drinking problem?

You shouldn't have to shoulder this alone, hon.

[projectcyborg.livejournal.com]

you remain amazing.

oh meme! this is perhaps more for me than you, but: Three things Laura Roslin did after the world ended by interbreeding.

[scrubschick.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

I agree with Cofax in that you do need to move out. I would like to see you say something to M about his addiction, though, because it needs to be said and even if he's not ready to hear it yet it will be there, lurking in his alcohol-soaked gray matter, when he is ready. Sadly, the only addicts I know personally needed major life-altering circumstances before they sought help: one in the ICU for a week on a vent after aspirating his own vomit (why do people say that? It's not likely one would aspirate anyone else's vomit, is it?) and one after the DEA came busting through the office doors looking to plant his head on a pike as a warning to others. The good news: they are both doing well today -- very well -- but it took the wrath of God to get them to the point of change. Still, it needs to be said.

As for the meme: Three things Dexter did after the world ended by germ warfare.

[jcalanthe]

That is a whirlwind!

I send lots of supportive thoughts. I agree that it would be good to at least say the words to M that he has a problem. & you know, once you've said what you've got to say, it's up to him to actually do something about it. You can support him as much or as little as you like, but he's got to be ready to change before it's going to happen. If you have a big convo & nothing changes for him, that's not your fault. Look, I'm preemptively addressing future neuroses. It's really fucking hard to watch someone self-destruct, and yet there is only so much we can do (not enabling & naming the behavior are important though, even if he takes another large chunk of time to actually believe you). & I agree with other commenters in strongly encouraging you to move out.

This is an awesome meme! It's so hard to pick, but I'll go with Three things Geoffrey Tennant did after the world ended by Shakespeare.