Can I Call in Run Over?

Dragged my ass out of bed this morning at 8:30 a.m. (technically I'm supposed to be at work at 8:30 a.m.) because I'd spent half an hour batting the cat away and contemplating calling in dead. Exhaustion + allergies is a hell of a thing. But once you actually get out of the bed ( a requirement for me to either call or e-mail in dead, not coming to work), it's hard to convince yourself to not get dressed and go to work. So here I am. Admittedly, I still have eyelash glue gumming up my upper eyelides, but my butt's in my seat and I'm marginally more functional than I expected to be.

Cairo Carnivale is over, and the show went far better than expected, went better frankly than it should, although I'm appalled by my body in the photos and have cancelled my unused gym membership so that I can join the Hollywood YMCA and start scheduling my life around getting less puffy. I'm in decent shape (you can't dance four times a week and not be in decent shape, but decent is a far cry from good and I hate the fat. I don't want to be starlet thin, I just want to not have fat in unseemly places. It's one of the drawbacks of being so much bigger than everyone anyway. I don't want to be a giant, and be BIG. Healthy, sure. I want my hips and my ass, and my breasts, but I don't want this pooch on my tummy - unearned - or this flab on my arms or on my thighs, and it makes me feel like a virulent anti-feminist to CARE so much about how I look to other people, but to a certain extent, I've come to terms to what it means to me. I use my body. I like what it can do, and I'll like it more if it's shape can bring me more work.)

Since rubberneck was drinking the crack Kool-Aid that is SGA, I ended up reading several SGA stories this weekend ( a direct line which can be traced from _minxy_ reccing frostfire_17's Here is No Water which is insanely hot Mitchell/Shephard and I wanted more of that, but there was none to be found and so I went seeking SGA because I find Mitchell/Daniel sort of off-putting and have read all the other stories in SG-1 for Season 9 that hit my particular kinks. And while I've no interest in the real crackfic, I do finally get the appeal of McKay/Shephard in the right hands. And yeah, it gives me all sorts of slashy thoughts (not writing, but appeal thoughts, why some, but not much, of it works for me, and why this pairing in particular works for me in a show I don't watch and don't much care about but most Jack/Daniel bores me to tears, and why most early SG-1 also bores me but those are totally different discussions).

And it also makes me think about gender and attitude, and the prevailing adoration in fandom for asshole geniuses - i.e. House and Rodney McKay - and whether that adoration would be equally lavished on a female genius who was also an asshole and it cements my feeling that I just don't like that trope. It doesn't ping for me because I know a lot of incredibly bright people, and while very few of them suffer fools gladly, they're mostly not assholes unless pressed, and well, most of them are women, so there's that. But I've also known academic geniuses and the absent-minded professor stereotype is far more prevalent than the asshole one. I just, I don't like people who are cruel because they can be. And petty arrogance is a needless type of cruelty. While I am generally fond of the cranky, I don't think it's a quality to emulate and I don't like the way that it tends to be... indulged in certain shows and in certain fandoms. I think a character like Anya is tolerated because she's been set up to have no brain/mouth control, but she's not cruel, just self-involved. Shrug. I'm not sure where I'm going with this truthfully, but it's definitely something that occurred to me lying on the couch like a slug last night watching the pilot of House because I was too lazy to turn the channel and the Tony's were over.

Finally, I have Vala/Mitchell porn 98% done because crankygrrl wanted Vala porn and I'm just not invested enough in Daniel to reward him with sex. The pairing's a stretch, but it's porn, not love, so... and I wouldn't mind another (would welcome in fact - HELP HELP) another set of eyes to tell me whether or not it's wildly off base or a total failure or what. Volunteers?

Sekrit Message to Feldman

Dude, I just checked my voice mail thinking it was my friend here with the same name, and got your message and I'm still at work and just had to run to the bathroom and howl with laughter!!

Loves you so unbelievably much and of course the dogtags are still cold!!!