Makin' a list

Things on my ficcy to do list, in no particular order:

1. Not Sex
2. Haunted Detox clinic fic
3. Citrine
4. Blue Eyes sequel
5. Prezzie for suelac, which at this rate, might be done for her birthday this year:)
6. Ficcy prezzie for danceswithwords


That's not so much, and hah, hah!! Notice that first item, how it's crossed off! How it's false representation on that list! I'm posting it to the Big Blue Board right now, having cleaned it up a little since yesterday. I'm done with it. I learned a lot from it, but I'm just flat out done. This story started out with one tone and one direction and just swung a sharp left and went somewhere else entirely. It's far nicer than it should have been, and I think I failed at my intent, which was to make the sex a language in itself. I got stuck in my own ego, needing the sex to be hot instead of merely visceral. But I figure I have the characters do meta on the writer in part IV, so it's a little bit of trade off. I wanted it to be about sex as communication, negotiation, expectation, and maybe I achieved that.

I also ran smack dab into the problem of having one of my betas dislike it, and even though I wasn't sure she needed to like it, I was hard pressed to not try and shape it into something she'd like. I had to pedal myself back from that, but I think that factor has a lot to do with why it's nicer. That's not to say it's not a better story, but it isn't perhaps the story I was trying to tell, or wanting to tell, but that happens, the story takes over.

Anyway, I've been working on it for ages and it's as done as I'm willing to have it be done, so that's something.

cretkid has written a fabulous Chi POV fic, Eden Go forth and read.

And for those Sayers fans, sophia_helix has a fabulous, and sort of - to my mind - unexpected casting request for Harriet Vane:) I love Harriet. I firmly believe that if I hadn't read Gaudy Night before any of the other Sayers books, I wouldn't have been able to love Peter, but because he recognized and adored Harriet, I was able to appreciate him, and devour the rest of the Sayers canon, being struck by even the books that were Harriet free. That does not mean I didn't squee like the fan girl in training that I was when she's mentioned (without name) in Murder Must Advertise.

I'm working on the fannish shame meme, but I'm so sadly run of the mill and plebian in my pairing tastes, that I can't think of anything particularly shameful right now. But I'm sure I'll come up with something:)

Things I'd Like

I'd like to tamp down my need to have my ego stroked. But dude, wouldn't we all? I want feedback, dammit. Snort. Welcome to my Fight Club world view today. The war between you are not a unique and beautiful snowflake and goddammit pay attention to what I did right now.

It's the itchy uncertainty of my life. Change makes me freak out, scrabble and scramble for confirmation of talent and voice and vision. It also makes me want to reach out and grab all of the octopus tentacles of support and shake them and force them to tell me it'll be okay.

I'd like to not roll my eyes at the nice lady at Kansas who wants the Not Sex in less posts. It's a legitimate request. Their site, their rules.

I'd like to not take things so personally - G. not calling me back, the bulk of the resume receivers not calling me back, etc. This is not entirely futile, but it's frustrating. I'm such an instant gratification kind of girl. See sentence #1.

I'd like those scary women on the TV who evaluate the cleanliness of houses to come to mine and clean it. Although I was gratified that my house - way, way less scary than those people on TV last night who had crap everywhere!! Everywhere I tell you.

I'd like to write fic with rubberneck's teenager from her farscapefriday drabble. Hee. But I can't find her to ask:) I may do it anyway:) Less than 300 words and she's got a fully functioning family dynamic. She labels it shmoop, but it's more tuned to reality. This is real parent/kid stuff.

I'd like to know where my Moya mix CD's have gone. I have the sneaking suspicion that they were in my gym bag that got stolen.

I'd like to add more Frou Frou, Zero 7, Massive Attack, and Chemical Brothers to my CD collection in anticipation of the time when I get to stay home and write novels full time. I'd also like the latest Modest Mouse CD. I've been wavering, but I think I'm convinced now. And I'd like an iPod shuffle. It's so very tempting. MMM. Shuffle.

Fandom not-shame:
( In list form! )