I've read, and I've read the comments, and I feel honoured to look in on this important and interesting conversation. I wish I could articulate a response, but I can't, not really, and not yet. PErhaps not ever.
Partly, this is because my experience has been different: for whatever reason, I haven't generally attracted male attention. I am, I believe, attractive. Slim, decent if not stunning features. But I am above all me, and that means that men don't necessarily pay me much attention.
I didn't date in high school. At. All. I did in France (on exchange at 18 -- got my first French kiss from a French Boy. Which is kinda cool, though it was also kind of awful since I didn't really know him, at all. Other french boys were more fun ;) and in Uni. Well, at least, in undergrad. I haven't really dated since uni, and I've been basically celibate since. Which is not entirely by choice, but nor is it something I've gone out of my way to change: I like my safe zone, mostly.
And the things I do don't stretch this zone: riding is a place of mostly women, and the men that are involved are usually married, or gay, or involved. At Aikido, there are men, but they are either young, or married. And on the mats, I become, in many ways, genderless. Except when I am not, and that is a WHOLE other discussion.
And I am also educated in feminism, and though I was not raised by feminists (though Mom and Grandma are strong women, they are also traditional in many of their relationships with men), I call myself a feminist. But while I can appreciate and support the way other women feel and respond, I can only say that I support your responses, but can't dictate them, or something. Which is wishy washy, at best. But I am NOT really engaged in being ogled as a sexual object, and I am not engaged in enough male/female sexually charged relationships to speak to how they make me feel. And perhaps that's because I am who I am, and I hope to hold fast to that, even in the face of a man who offers other things. Safety, refuge, support, sex --> all of these things interest me, attract me, but I won't accept them if I have to compromise me to get them. And I know myself, because I DO compromise, or I did, once upon a time. And so maybe I quietly and unconciously avoid putting myself in situations which test this.
*sigh* I don't know. I DO wish it was easier, for all of us. But I think the reality is that interpersonal relationships of all sorts are always going to be fraught with negotiations of power, of gender, of class, and of race. And all of these things are linked in complicated ways, and in the end, all of the theory in the world, all of the activism, doesn't necessarily make it any easier when you yourself (or I, myself, or she, herself) are faced with situations where they need to navigate these muddy waters.
And hey, I guess I had a response, of sorts, after all....
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a response that wasn't meant to be a response....
Date: 2008-04-24 06:05 pm (UTC)Partly, this is because my experience has been different: for whatever reason, I haven't generally attracted male attention. I am, I believe, attractive. Slim, decent if not stunning features. But I am above all me, and that means that men don't necessarily pay me much attention.
I didn't date in high school. At. All. I did in France (on exchange at 18 -- got my first French kiss from a French Boy. Which is kinda cool, though it was also kind of awful since I didn't really know him, at all. Other french boys were more fun ;) and in Uni. Well, at least, in undergrad. I haven't really dated since uni, and I've been basically celibate since. Which is not entirely by choice, but nor is it something I've gone out of my way to change: I like my safe zone, mostly.
And the things I do don't stretch this zone: riding is a place of mostly women, and the men that are involved are usually married, or gay, or involved. At Aikido, there are men, but they are either young, or married. And on the mats, I become, in many ways, genderless. Except when I am not, and that is a WHOLE other discussion.
And I am also educated in feminism, and though I was not raised by feminists (though Mom and Grandma are strong women, they are also traditional in many of their relationships with men), I call myself a feminist. But while I can appreciate and support the way other women feel and respond, I can only say that I support your responses, but can't dictate them, or something. Which is wishy washy, at best. But I am NOT really engaged in being ogled as a sexual object, and I am not engaged in enough male/female sexually charged relationships to speak to how they make me feel. And perhaps that's because I am who I am, and I hope to hold fast to that, even in the face of a man who offers other things. Safety, refuge, support, sex --> all of these things interest me, attract me, but I won't accept them if I have to compromise me to get them. And I know myself, because I DO compromise, or I did, once upon a time. And so maybe I quietly and unconciously avoid putting myself in situations which test this.
*sigh* I don't know. I DO wish it was easier, for all of us. But I think the reality is that interpersonal relationships of all sorts are always going to be fraught with negotiations of power, of gender, of class, and of race. And all of these things are linked in complicated ways, and in the end, all of the theory in the world, all of the activism, doesn't necessarily make it any easier when you yourself (or I, myself, or she, herself) are faced with situations where they need to navigate these muddy waters.
And hey, I guess I had a response, of sorts, after all....