Doing it all over again

Unbelievably, it's Monday again. My life is in such a loop. We had a show on Saturday, an endless show with wretched sound, but a really nice stage. I think we'll be fantasy fodder for the three 15-year old boys working the sound system. They were extremely helpful and attentive.

Our second biggest show of the year is next Sunday which means rehearsals all week, undoubtedly even on my birthday, and then I will happily take a break from the world of bellydancing, for a few weeks at least. I haven't been to Krav Maga in so long that I feel like I need to start over.

This is so not what I imagined when I pined for the life of a professional dancer:) Of course, I'd have made a lousy prima ballerina, but I really never envisioned coins and glitter and being half naked and barefoot. The finger cymbals make up for a lot though. Ballet is far too quiet. I also never factored in the endless amount of waiting that goes on, waiting for other performers, waiting for the audience, waiting for the people paying you. We've never danced at anything that started on time, and this seems to only bother us, never our patrons. However, the people running the event on Sat. said they'd pay for us to come with them to Chicago. That kind of thing gets bandied about all the time, but I'd leap at the opportunity. I'd love to go on tour.


M. has a cold, which I'm trying to fix with the cureall of Theraflu and bourbon. I highly recommend this method. It makes you loopy, knocks you out, and takes the germs with it. I let him take my car to Rite Aid to buy bourbon, and when he got back from the store he said "Hey, you'll never guess who I almost ran over."

And he's right, I can never guess. Sometimes it's people I know, sometimes it's an actor, there's just no telling with him.

Also, hearing that he almost ran someone over about gave me a heart attack. So I play along, putting stuff away, and say, "Who." M. replies, very proud of himself, "John Crichton's dad! I wanted to yell out the window, hey, aren't you on Farscape, but since I'd cut it pretty close, I figured that'd just freaked him out more." For which I'm eternally grateful, running over a well known actor would be bad enough, M. running him over in my car would have been even worse.

( Further adventures of M.  )

( You must confront your fears with strength )

I think I've accepted that At the End of the Day is just an extended episode addition. I'm gonna fix and post today. I like what it is, even if it doesn't accomplish what I wanted it to. My hopes were too grandiose. They will have to be transferred to something with plot, otherwise this is all tell no show.

Petty Resentments

My tiny little weekend plans were sucked up into the great corporate scheme of getting me to pay for the things I need, like my house and my car and my cel phone and my Farscape DVD's because unlike themoonbar I have no willpower to not purchase them.

Driving to my students, I got a call from the guy who schedules me asking if I could take another student that day at the last minute. Consulting my bank account, I agreed with a sigh. The student needed help with writing.

Three hours later, I've helped her to rewrite her paper. And she was very grateful, and happy, and I think learned a lot about writing that no one had ever taught her before. And my bank account almost smiled at me.

But, but, but, that was my time. I had blocked that time out to write and it was just gone, and other commitments for the evening were already in place, and I began to understand why talent, or desire is not enough. You have to be ruthless, give yourself over completely. Be willing to be poor, in debt, miserable and friendless in order to be any kind of artist because otherwise you get fuckall done.

This is not a revelation, but now it's pounding at me, and the practical side is saying, suck it up, you like your things too much no matter how much you shout about the revolution, and escaping the house with only the cat and your books. And I want it to be saying, you could give everything up, you could jump off that cliff - swim, hell the fall will probably kill us - and try. But I just don't know.

At the End of the Day

Ok, so I sent it to Kansas and Leviathan, and I posted the rough draft here ages ago. But I'm pleased that it's finished, even if it didn't live up to my expectations. And as I feared, it's more tell than show, but I can find still find lines that I'm proud of, which means I learned something. Also, I think it's cured me of wanting to write episode fillers, not that the urge was real strong, but still.

( At the End of the Day (PG) -Spoilers through Season 3, ... Different Destinations )