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itsallovernowSo, over the past few years, I've finally come to terms with the un-altered (meaning un-birth control affected) cycle of my body. And have come to some conclusions. Namely, that two weeks a month I'm a different person - happy, confident, full of momentum. One week I'm a basket case - inexorably sad, unable to force myself into action, overwhelmed by the world, and one week I'm in between.
What I really know is that exercise, sleep and diet can help even all of this out, and that when I don't follow the patterns I know to be helpful, the depression and sadness extends, my feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness increase, and the two weeks of normal get compressed into maybe a few good days.
You'd think, knowing that, that exercise and good health would be easier to achieve. You'd be wrong, but you'd think it. It's hard to combat the freedom to do exactly what I want - stay up late, drink a little too much, eat crap, not exercise. The fact that I feel better needs to be reinforced for long enough to make it more worthwhile than me just saying "fuck you" to NOT sabotaging myself. Part of this marathon training (the part that isn't about me dealing with my relationship with my father, dealing with his state and condition, dealing with my fears and issues and regrets) is about forcing that feeling into a routine, getting used to it so that doing the things that make me feel like I'm worthless, like I don't have anything to offer, like it's better to make it all stop, making those feelings the aberrations, the things to shun, not the looming constant threat that I know will hit when I'm not looking.
In other news, , I was surprised and not upset that Zack was the killer. I think the set up was not unsupported - I did think it was rushed, I think with more eps, a longer arc, they could have really powered this up. However, I think that Zack is a logical candidate to fall under a stronger influence, I think he was struggling with identity and hero worship, and logic (I don't think his being the killer was a slam at logic. I think it was a question of logic without compassion, of science without heart. And this show is not about the subtleties of those questions. It never has been. The whole season has been about science and heart, thoughts and feelings and the degree by which those things exist for us in combination). Do I think the reveal was rushed and not fully supported? Sure. Do I think it's a character travesty? No. I really don't. I liked Zack. I like Zack's interactions with everyone. But I don't think that it was betraying his character.
I also like the responsibility everyone took for him, realizing they could have done more, realizing maybe they couldn't have. Again, played out over several eps with better hints and reveals, yes, this would have been better. But again, that's not the strength of this show.
Zack is Brennan's could have been. And, it's her story. But she's never looked to others for approval. She surges forward under her own direction and momentum. And Zack... doesn't. Didn't.
And finally, Booth with the beer hat in the bathtub with the Green Lantern comic book FTW. FTfuckingW, man. Mmmmmm.
What I really know is that exercise, sleep and diet can help even all of this out, and that when I don't follow the patterns I know to be helpful, the depression and sadness extends, my feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness increase, and the two weeks of normal get compressed into maybe a few good days.
You'd think, knowing that, that exercise and good health would be easier to achieve. You'd be wrong, but you'd think it. It's hard to combat the freedom to do exactly what I want - stay up late, drink a little too much, eat crap, not exercise. The fact that I feel better needs to be reinforced for long enough to make it more worthwhile than me just saying "fuck you" to NOT sabotaging myself. Part of this marathon training (the part that isn't about me dealing with my relationship with my father, dealing with his state and condition, dealing with my fears and issues and regrets) is about forcing that feeling into a routine, getting used to it so that doing the things that make me feel like I'm worthless, like I don't have anything to offer, like it's better to make it all stop, making those feelings the aberrations, the things to shun, not the looming constant threat that I know will hit when I'm not looking.
In other news, , I was surprised and not upset that Zack was the killer. I think the set up was not unsupported - I did think it was rushed, I think with more eps, a longer arc, they could have really powered this up. However, I think that Zack is a logical candidate to fall under a stronger influence, I think he was struggling with identity and hero worship, and logic (I don't think his being the killer was a slam at logic. I think it was a question of logic without compassion, of science without heart. And this show is not about the subtleties of those questions. It never has been. The whole season has been about science and heart, thoughts and feelings and the degree by which those things exist for us in combination). Do I think the reveal was rushed and not fully supported? Sure. Do I think it's a character travesty? No. I really don't. I liked Zack. I like Zack's interactions with everyone. But I don't think that it was betraying his character.
I also like the responsibility everyone took for him, realizing they could have done more, realizing maybe they couldn't have. Again, played out over several eps with better hints and reveals, yes, this would have been better. But again, that's not the strength of this show.
Zack is Brennan's could have been. And, it's her story. But she's never looked to others for approval. She surges forward under her own direction and momentum. And Zack... doesn't. Didn't.
And finally, Booth with the beer hat in the bathtub with the Green Lantern comic book FTW. FTfuckingW, man. Mmmmmm.
