1. All mermaids (and mermen) swim by sticking their arms in front of them and wiggling like mad. When I attempted this in the pool today I discovered it's not nearly as effective as tv tells me. (Yes I am secretly five years old and decided to swim like a mermaid in a public pool.)

2. The really tough handsome guys who are sort of assholes... secretly cry on their teddybears at night because they had a difficult childhood and no one loves them.

3. Don't touch the red button. Don't even look at the red button.