One of the things I'm learning about myself, one of the things that I don't like very much about myself right now in fact, is that while I am very much MYSELF in other situations - feisty and pissy and funny and aggressive - in relationships with men, particularly those that trend towards a sexual component, I am not the woman I want to be. I am meeker, and lesser, and... this is not the girl I want to be. The woman I want to be. I'm tired of apologizing for my feelings, my desires. I'm tired of reacting to someone elses bad decisions and judgments and then making my own equally bad choices.

I've fought my whole life for a power dynamic I deserve in every other area. This one shouldn't be so fucking hard.