itsallovernow (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
itsallovernow) wrote2008-02-28 11:25 am
itsallovernow) wrote2008-02-28 11:25 am
Sailing Metaphors and UST
So, my keel is a bit more even today, steadier, less prone to flop around in the waves. (I'm having this problem where I can't let go of ocean metaphors, and yet they're inconsistent and hilarious. I assume this trend will pass.)
Part of it is that I've been saying a lot of things out loud to a lot of people, and trying to listen back when they say what they need to. Trying to see myself in them, and let them see themselves in me, if it works that way. Trying to just listen if not, trying to just speak.
Remembering that we all have value, and that we all feel undervalued, and that no matter what, we each have the right to be respected and acknowledged and loved and accepted. That doesn't mean we shouldn't have expectations of each other, but it does mean that those expectations need to be based on emotional honesty. We have to own our emotions, our feelings and needs. We can't rely on other people to answer them, to provide for them. I learn this a lot. It seems to be a lesson that needs hammering.
On a fannish note, I… delved into a fic search on an embarrassed whim, and came up remembering the frustration of a certain kind of ship fic (and oy, I wouldn't say I regret anything I said about ship and sex in fic last week, but dudes when I say I read in a limited field, I'm so not kidding and this little excursion reminded me sharply of what I take pains to avoid. All the clichés, all the things I hate about shippy fic – the overabundance of sap, of pregnancy, of happily ever after, of… characters out of character wearing the same name. And folks, when I tell you what I was trolling for – if you even know what I'm talking about – will laugh and laugh and laugh at any of this whining).
So, one of my guilty pleasures if I'm home on Wednesday night is the tag team of Criminial Minds and CSI:NY. Neither is a great show. I recognize this, but I love me some procedurals, and I maybe like how utterly dorky all of the Criminal Minds team are, how TV Land FBI they are, all clean and shiny and well dressed and competent – or verging on competent. And I maybe have a little crush on the terribleness of CSI: NY, because they're so … pretty and stupid and Gary Sinise always kind of looks constipated and like his nostrils might flare up and take off for parts unknown and yet I love him anyway, and I maybe was trolling for some Danny/Lindsay UST/angst. No, no shut up. I know… I… know. It's embarrassing. I acknowledge this. It is…13 year old writing names in notebooks embarrassing.
But I don't watch much TV these days, and I was sort of jonesing for fic that I hadn't read, characters I didn't know that well, and for a real fic jolt I love me some UST. I really, really do. I love the way that good UST can light up a whole fic, where it feels electric when people are ready to touch, fighting it, particularly when they are doing their jobs anyway! Back in the heydays of my X-Files fic consumption, I'd generally stop reading after they had sex the first time because what I wanted was the tension, the longing and the competence. Now, granted, asking for any of that in CSI fandom – and I don't even know the fandom itself, but a stroll through Google and del.i.cious did not reveal much worth reading. And how sad is it that I'm not only judging fic these days by the titles and the summaries but by the name of the posters? Even in fandoms I don't know, certain handles send out signals of "run away, run away."
So, vast internets at large, I do not expect help for that particular fic jones, but what I would like is this:
Rec me your favorite UST story – any pairing, any fandom, no matter how obscure. I want some longing! Some sexual tension, resolved or not. Some longing in the midst of a case file, or a bigger story is totally welcome, but not necessary!!
Part of it is that I've been saying a lot of things out loud to a lot of people, and trying to listen back when they say what they need to. Trying to see myself in them, and let them see themselves in me, if it works that way. Trying to just listen if not, trying to just speak.
Remembering that we all have value, and that we all feel undervalued, and that no matter what, we each have the right to be respected and acknowledged and loved and accepted. That doesn't mean we shouldn't have expectations of each other, but it does mean that those expectations need to be based on emotional honesty. We have to own our emotions, our feelings and needs. We can't rely on other people to answer them, to provide for them. I learn this a lot. It seems to be a lesson that needs hammering.
On a fannish note, I… delved into a fic search on an embarrassed whim, and came up remembering the frustration of a certain kind of ship fic (and oy, I wouldn't say I regret anything I said about ship and sex in fic last week, but dudes when I say I read in a limited field, I'm so not kidding and this little excursion reminded me sharply of what I take pains to avoid. All the clichés, all the things I hate about shippy fic – the overabundance of sap, of pregnancy, of happily ever after, of… characters out of character wearing the same name. And folks, when I tell you what I was trolling for – if you even know what I'm talking about – will laugh and laugh and laugh at any of this whining).
So, one of my guilty pleasures if I'm home on Wednesday night is the tag team of Criminial Minds and CSI:NY. Neither is a great show. I recognize this, but I love me some procedurals, and I maybe like how utterly dorky all of the Criminal Minds team are, how TV Land FBI they are, all clean and shiny and well dressed and competent – or verging on competent. And I maybe have a little crush on the terribleness of CSI: NY, because they're so … pretty and stupid and Gary Sinise always kind of looks constipated and like his nostrils might flare up and take off for parts unknown and yet I love him anyway, and I maybe was trolling for some Danny/Lindsay UST/angst. No, no shut up. I know… I… know. It's embarrassing. I acknowledge this. It is…13 year old writing names in notebooks embarrassing.
But I don't watch much TV these days, and I was sort of jonesing for fic that I hadn't read, characters I didn't know that well, and for a real fic jolt I love me some UST. I really, really do. I love the way that good UST can light up a whole fic, where it feels electric when people are ready to touch, fighting it, particularly when they are doing their jobs anyway! Back in the heydays of my X-Files fic consumption, I'd generally stop reading after they had sex the first time because what I wanted was the tension, the longing and the competence. Now, granted, asking for any of that in CSI fandom – and I don't even know the fandom itself, but a stroll through Google and del.i.cious did not reveal much worth reading. And how sad is it that I'm not only judging fic these days by the titles and the summaries but by the name of the posters? Even in fandoms I don't know, certain handles send out signals of "run away, run away."
So, vast internets at large, I do not expect help for that particular fic jones, but what I would like is this:
Rec me your favorite UST story – any pairing, any fandom, no matter how obscure. I want some longing! Some sexual tension, resolved or not. Some longing in the midst of a case file, or a bigger story is totally welcome, but not necessary!!
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