Rebirth and Renewal

First things first, the second issue of SMRT-TV is out! It's filled to the brim with all sorts of TV media geek goodies so go check it out:) This issue's column (my column) ties in, in a way, to the fascinating discussion that rubberneck was hosting in her LJ on Friday. Go here to participate in that discussion.

Also folks, please please pass around the link to SMRT-TV, www.smrt-tv.com. I think we're doing great work, and it'd be nice to see discussions starting up over the different topics in the different forums! And also, drop by and thank the editor in chief, Liz, for wrangling such a great crowd of writers.

Both my father and my aunt have e-mailed me through the website and it comes to my thassalia e-mail which alternately freaks me out and cracks me up. I feel the weight of my father's pride, and it embarrasses me, sustains me. He calls and I snip and snipe and what he wants is company, connection, a moment to step outside of himself, a moment to tell me that I've done good. I try to acknowledge that, to meet it and match it with grace instead of anger. Sometimes, I'm more succesful than others.

I had a sort of up and down weekend - didn't get the job I'd been counting on, and while I have a job, I'm still a little uncertain about it. I see my goals, the things I want - writing in a tangible way, writing as both life and life style. And it may be attainable, but like everything, it may not be the direct path that I expected. When things settle, when I'm less busy, the fear and the doubt sets in, and I become unconsolable. I need to learn to appreciate the peace. But I did do some copy-editing, and even did a little writing, if you count the farscapefriday drabbles, which I do;) Oh, and on that note - go forth and write. C'mon folks. Warren Zevon? He's practically cannon. Doesn't he deserve a little tribute:)

Yesterday, after I worked on the book I'm editing, I called a friend of mine and we sat outside, had lunch, walked to Larchmont and I bought ridiculously expensive pink shoes that I can't afford, but they're so damned cute I couldn't help myself. My cheeks are sun flushed, and freckly, and being outside did me such a world of good, erased a goodly portion of the self pity and the self doubt, restored my sense of the absurd. Normally, I would have just gone to the gym, gone home to work, sat in the stagnant stillness of my house and I'm so proud of myself for meeting the sun head on, for bringing joy to myself.

What I want today, when it's greyer out, calmer, the marine layer settling in like a thin spring blanket, is to curl up, answer Feldman's latest volley because it's so very good, wrenches in a good way. What I don't want is to work, to be here without my knowledge base, learning new things I'm not sure I want to learn, working in Photoshop (I pause while all of y'all crack up due to the fact that someone hired me based on the fact that I know how to use the design programs:), working in this new place. I want comfort, I want words and our characters who we've left hanging for the moment.

Shoes

Because I love my new shoes, you can find a picture here. They are the Porto's, near the bottom:)