itsallovernow: (No-Kerne)
[personal profile] itsallovernow
My dad had a massive stroke about 12 years ago which he survived. Various ailments have had him in and out of the hospital periodically since then, but nothing life-threatening. The Saturday before the Super Bowl, my stepmother called and said he'd had a bad nosebleed and had been admitted. Since then, he's suffered incidents of low blood pressure which has lead to further stroke activity, and ultimately we've made the agonizing decision to transfer him to in-patient hospice where he will either pass away or recover enough to be sent to a full-time nursing or care facility. Either is a miserable end to a largely full and complicated life. But he's pretty mellow right now. He sleeps a lot, eats very little, and recognizes about half of his visitors. He can have his dog when he wants, chocolate for every meal, and the undivided attention of those who love him because he's only "present" for about 20 minutes at a time.

My grief is something thick, and heavy, and awful. I can put this whole feeling behind me for hours, sometimes days at a time until it slams back into me that the father I knew, even the one I'd come to know again post stroke - the difficult, selfish, needy, desperate man who still had a sense of humor, who sometimes valued cool over kind, but also loved with a big, messy effort - is not coming back. That I may lose him completely very soon. That the loss is more likely than not. It's awful. It's life. It's terribly unfair.

And I want to write, but I don't want to write about this. However, the grief is providing this grey, odorous blanket over my ability to even come up with ideas, topics, anything.

So I reach out to this community with a request - the same one I always seem to come to everyone with: Give me a prompt, a topic, a sentence, a meme, a character or an idea. Point me in a direction, even if it's the wrong direction. I'll write about fandom, about fans, about characters, about myself. I'll write fic, I'll write fiction, but I need direction.

We've been watching Agent Carter with glee, The Blacklist with embarrassed pleasure (yes, it's sort of terrible, but it's so...watchable). I'm a season and a half into The Good Wife. I've been reading tons of fluffy romance, very little of substance, but I'd attempt book fandom if I know it. We're caught up on Doctor Who, and yes, I've seen Jupiter Ascending. I didn't make it in time to sign up for Yuletide this year, so I'm also happy to look at small fandoms or fill in wishes from wishlists.

Date: 2015-02-20 01:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I've been almost precisely where you are and there are days that it still knocks me flat on my back, so I understand where you are coming from. {{{hugs}}}

I too have been watching Agent Carter with glee and The Blacklist with embarrassment as well as pleasure (it's an ugly mix at times, is it not?). So, how about Peggy, older, much wiser running in to a young Red when he's first being recruited to the CIA? (I think that time frame will work, won't it?)

What can I say about The Good Wife? Hmmm? Enjoy it while it's still good, before it becomes whatever it is these days. Mostly overwhelmed with so many guest stars that the regular fade into obscurity. I've pondered a prompt for this show but really can't come up with anything that would work with the episodes you've seen.

So tell us, is Jupiter Ascending as cracktastic as I've read?

Date: 2015-02-21 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Jupiter Ascending is every bit as cracktastic as you think it's going to be. It's truly kind of a mess, but it's giant ambitious space opera. It makes almost no sense, it looks amazing, it's tremendously fun, and it's just as absurd as anything you can imagine. It's crackfic written by a talented 15 year old, and I mean that as a compliment. It's so hugely imagined, and so hugely derivative and Channing Tatum is a werewolf on space skates and Sean Bean is... Truly, go see it:) Do not expect sense, but enjoy it anyway!

Date: 2015-02-22 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks for the info. I just checked and it's already finished it's run locally so I guess I'll have to wait until it shows up on tv or disc. If it's that much of a hoot I may want to own it. Sounds like it'd be an excellent way to shake off the blues.

Date: 2015-02-20 03:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hugs to you. I'm sorry, that sounds difficult.

Prompt: Agent Carter: I'd love for Jarvis to introduce Peggy to Anna. Alternately, Peggy and Angie, shopping together.

Date: 2015-02-21 08:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I love this:) Peggy and Angie are spectacular:)

Date: 2015-02-20 07:24 am (UTC)
ext_1771: Joe Flanigan looking A-Dorable. (Default)
From: [identity profile]
Thinking of you, babe. Losing a parent is terrifying.

I would love, if you can find it in yourself, a The Good Wife fic.

Alicia/Kalinda, crosstalk, barhop, quenchable.

Date: 2015-02-21 08:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!! And I'll work on an Alicia/Kalinda piece. I love them both so very much!

Date: 2015-02-20 08:51 am (UTC)
ext_12603: Scully at the computer (writing typewriter)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, A, that's so hard, and something I will have to deal with and it scares me so much.

Write about three different places you love in L.A. One for food, one for drinks, one for something else.

Date: 2015-02-21 08:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you! I love seeing photos of your dad:) I'll totally write about LA.

Date: 2015-02-20 06:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I'm very sorry to hear about your father.

How about Agent Carter and Jarvis: "Nothing like a little judicious levity." ~Robert Louis Stevenson, The Wrong Box

Date: 2015-02-21 08:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you so much. And I adore Jarvis and Agent Carter together!

Date: 2015-02-20 06:59 pm (UTC)
ext_22548: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
"Director Carter glared at Agent Mulder."

Date: 2015-02-21 08:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
HAHAHAHA! That would be amazing.

Date: 2015-02-20 10:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That kind of grief is painful and all encompassing and I wish you all the hugs in the world.

Prompt: A day in the life of Balem Abrasax's dry cleaner.

Date: 2015-02-21 08:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you dear. I know you've had an incredibly difficult few years as well with loss.

And I love this prompt:)

Date: 2015-02-21 04:51 am (UTC)
cofax7: Marion Ravenwood in a hat (IJ - Marion hat)
From: [personal profile] cofax7
Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. My dad is 87 and periodically convinced he's going to die in the next three hours, so... yeah. {{hugs}}

I dunno as I have any prompts, although I'm always up for REUNIONS. They make me happy.

I do recommend that you check out Jane the Virgin, which is the thing that is making me happier than any television in the last five years. SO. AWESOME. It's funny and sly and full of heart, and surprising and brilliant.


Date: 2015-02-21 08:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you so much for the recommendation:) I'll totally check it out. And thank you! Reunions:) I love that.


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